Chain Reaction 1.50: Never

Alexander Goth

     Never:

     Never is the most difficult word in any language, in any way it's translated. It means not ever.

     Sometimes, 'never' can be wonderful. As in: I will never stop loving you. That's a fantastic thing to hear should the other person return the feeling. However, there is always a flip-side.

     'Never' can also be devastating. As in: I will never love you back in the same way. It's very difficult to recover from the devastating never. I have lived it. One typically goes through something akin to mourning: first, there's denial, then anger, then a kind of bargaining period, depression, then acceptance, and lastly, recovery. Many would argue that acceptance and recovery are one in the same. They're very close, but they're not. I can accept something as truth; however, that doesn't mean I've recovered from it.

     I have accepted that Brielle will never love me back. I don't know if I'll ever fully recover, though. Maybe this means I still haven't left depression, but I have to believe that I have.

    "So, where's this girlfriend I've heard so much about?" Brielle asks me. She wanted to come see my house. Before, I'd always made it a point to visit her at hers. I hate to think about the worry that I might lose control more easily here, but for a long while, I didn't want to risk it. I'm not a homewrecker nor do I want to be one. I love Ethan like a nephew. I haven't met Emily yet, but I haven't a doubt I'll feel the same about her. After all, they're part of  Brielle. I don't want to rip apart their family. Visiting Brielle at her house gives me that constant reminder.

     I let out a nervous chuckle. Laura is afraid of Brielle, I think. I'd invited her to stay this evening and meet Brielle, but she mumbled a weak excuse, saying she couldn't. Now, what do I say to my best friend?

     "She couldn't make it this evening," I say.

     "Does she think I bite?" Brielle asks.

     I have to laugh. As usual, she guessed at the truth. When it's something she doesn't mind seeing, Brielle always knows what I'm thinking.

     "I really wanted to meet her. She's half of why I came over this evening," she admits.

     "Thanks a lot," I say sarcastically, but she knows I'm teasing.

     "What?" she asks innocently. "You said she was plumming hot, so I'm curious."

     Again, I think about how weird that conversation on her porch was. There I stood talking to a woman I still loved about a new girlfriend. Then, at some moments, I felt like I could've been talking to my sister Cassandra.

     My thoughts move to Laura. When I first hired her, I really did try to focus on her stellar qualifications. Still, I had to admit that I wouldn't mind in the least seeing her lovely face day in and day out. That's as far as that went. I never even dreamed she'd find me attractive.

     "Well, I imagine she's nervous because you're the only family I have anywhere near here. Plus, I just sort of sprung it on her," I explain.

     "Is she vain?" Brielle asks curiously, smiling.

     "Huh? Why ask that?"

     "Because I was wondering if she thought she didn't look like she'd prefer to look. You know: makeup, hair. Pretty people are like that," Brielle explains.

      YOU'RE not like that, I think in silent argument to her statement. She looks away.

      "So, when are you going to have a pool party? Ethan would love it!" She looks back at me with excitement dancing in her eyes, also having successfully changed the subject.

     I give her a sideways smile. "I suppose I can have one eventually. You know, because I just love crowds." I say the last bit with some sarcasm.

     "So keep it small."

     I tell her I'll think about it. Then, I get up to grill us some food. Brielle can't help herself but give me cooking pointers, which I take. We eat, and she returns to her family, waving a quick bye.

     I've asked her not to hug me. It's too much. Graham had every right to be furious with what he saw the last time she hugged me. All that being good and Graham had to catch the few seconds I allowed myself to relapse.

     I despise Graham. Even if he weren't married to Brielle, I doubt I'd like him.

     And he thinks I wouldn't figure it out! I think with an internal laugh. I know what you did, Graham. I know how you got that job. And I know the insurance company you claim to work for is just a cover. You should know me better than that. Thanks to you, I am one dam* good hacker. Oh, I'd been good with computers before, but it took wanting to ruin Graham's life to make me get better. No, not better. Awesome.

     Yes, I know you were the one that did the digging. Is my dad guilty? Yes. But I still blame Graham. It's childish, but it comes so naturally to me.

     So, so very interesting is that Graham was hired by a former girlfriend of several years. I researched her too, out of curiosity. Her father made some really bad choices, and my father trapped him. My dad is a rotten sim, no doubt about that anymore, but the attack from the S.I.M.S. wasn't random. That 'laundry list' Mom spoke of, some of the things were so old that the statute of limitations went into effect. SOMEone had been tracing Dad's steps for good number of years... or had the resources to look up past misdealings.

     Graham did this digging for an ex-girlfriend? I think for a minute. Well, he had his own reasons for revenge. Didn't he get enough revenge in taking Brielle? 

     I sigh and look into my empty glass. My dad is in prison, and that's where he's going to stay for a good, long while. This 'Courtney' got her revenge. I wonder what she'll do with her life now? Is there life after revenge?

     I gave up on revenge. For one, Brielle asked me to. Two, everything stopped the day I met Ethan. It hurt like the very devil, but I knew that it wasn't just about me anymore, not just about her. There was an innocent, happy child whose life would be ruined had I succeeded in any plan. I left that day knowing that I'd have to face the fact of never getting the life I'd always wanted.

     As it is, however, my life is turning out rather well! I've taken my hacking skill and decided to use it for the good guys, for a price, of course. I have to be ever vigilant. I have several programs on several devices around and on me should I need to intervene, intercept, and block a hacker. 'It takes one to know one.'

     Soon, I'll have to rent actual office space instead of use the office in my house. Voyage Air Lines isn't letting me be the sole security provider. They're testing me, seeing how I do on the fringes. I'll need office space and a few more employees when they see I'm up to snuff.

     "Good morning, Mr. Goth," I hear behind me, coming from a sexy voice that begs to start giggling at the way she addressed me.

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Gonna end the chapter right here. Muahahahaha! You'll get to meet Laura in the next chapter.

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