Chain Reaction 1.42: Heated Discussion

      Tonight, I make pancakes for dinner, and I wear the blue dress Graham really likes. He happily greets me, and we sit down to eat; however, I can hardly eat a bite. My husband watches me curiously.
      "So, how was your day today?" he asks in a leading way.

     I laugh nervously. My behavior only earns me more and more of his attention with every passing moment. "An old friend came by to visit today," I tell him.
     His eyebrows raise. "Oh? Sade and Grayson are in town?"
     "No," I admit, and Graham's expression darkens. "No," I repeat quietly, looking at my untouched food.
     "A friend I've never met before?" he asks, again leading me. I suspect he's guessed.
     "No, you've met him," I tell him.
     "Please tell me Alexander Goth was not at my house today," Graham asks in a last-ditch effort to allay his suspicions.
      "He came to ask forgiveness," I let out meekly.

     "WHAT?!" Graham roars, 'how could you?' written all over his face. "You mean to tell me that the man that tried to destroy me was here at my house?!"
     "He really meant it, Graham," I plead. "I know him. He was sincerely asking forgiveness. At first, I did get suspicious, but then, once he found out about Ethan-"
     "He'd better not lay a finger on Ethan!" Graham growls.
     I can't keep it from him. "I let him hold him."
     Graham stands up. I've never seen him this mad. "You... You... You let him in! You let him hold our son?!" He starts pacing back and forth behind me like a caged bull.
      He's never given me any reason to fear him...until now. "I'm sorry," I whine quietly. "I trusted him."
      "He's the last man on earth you should trust, Brielle," he snarls.
      I shake my head no, knowing what I saw was true. "No. Graham, you should've seen him."
      "He's a Goth!" Graham yells, and I have an unexpected coughing fit. Ethan starts crying in his room.
      "He said," cough, "that we'll make," cough, "great parents, Graham." I swallow hard. Graham gets me a glass of water and sits down again.

      "Drink some water," he says more gently. Ethan still cries in the background.
      "Go check on Ethan," I request, and I reach for the water glass.
      Graham lets out a breath through his nose, gives me a look like our discussion isn't over, and does as I asked.
     I acted exactly like my mother just now, I think sadly, but then it makes me angry.

     Graham feeds and changes Ethan, and we have our heated discussion. Graham tries to say that he won't 'allow' me to be friends with Alex. That really gets me, and I tell him, still angry at the way I acted like Mom, that he can't control me. I can be friends with whomever I want. Graham then accuses me of being disloyal, siding with my 'friend' and pretending like what he did to Graham was okay. I yell back at him that of course I was mad at Alex for doing that, but I'd be willing to leave it in the past if he's willing to ask forgiveness. Then, Graham brings up again that I shouldn't trust him any farther than I can throw him, and we go in circles, getting nowhere.
     Still at a stalemate, Graham sleeps on the couch. I cry myself to sleep.

     In the middle of the night, I hear Ethan crying, and I automatically get up to go feed him. When I walk into his room, however, I see Graham already has and is changing his diaper. He looks over his shoulder at me, and I stand here silently, longing for him to stop being angry with me.

     He walks over to me and takes my hand. "I'm sorry, mostly for all the things I said about you."
     I nod my head, and tears spill out of my eyes. He reaches up to dry them and holds my head in his hands.
     He continues, "You...trusted me even when all the voices around you told you I was scum. Now, I am scum for calling you disloyal."
     I sniff, desperate to explain. "When he first showed up at the door, I didn't trust him and his 'friendship' talk. He looked angry when he found out we were married, but I could still see scheming in his eyes. But Graham, when he found out about Ethan, something in him changed."
     Pain shines in Graham's eyes as he slowly says, "I hope...you understand...how hurt I am...that you let my...nemesis hold our precious son."
     "I wish you would trust my judgement that I'd never let anyone hurt Ethan. He never would. I think I did it on a subconscious level that it would really drive home that the most he could ever hope for from me would be friendship, and he has to work to earn that back if that's what he really wants."

     He takes a deep breath. "Then I'm sorry for not trusting your judgement. I can't tell you who can and can't be your friends. The point is that you may trust him, but I never will. Please forgive me if I don't happily welcome him into our little circle."
     "You act like I've already made up my mind to forgive him."
     "I'm not saying you will or you won't. I'm just saying I don't trust him."
     "Graham, if you really don't want me to be friends with him, I won't."
     He winces. I can tell he doesn't want me to be but doesn't want to be guilty of telling me so. "I'm not going to tell you that. I'm not going to be like them. I trust you."
     I blink very slowly and wobble on my feet.
     "You're exhausted," he points out. Then, he pulls me into his arms and rests my head on his chest.
     "I didn't sleep well, and it's the middle of the night," I remind him. "I'd sleep better if you came to bed."
     "Sleep with my beautiful wife?" he questions playfully. "Well, since you've twisted my arm..." He chuckles at himself, and I smile, the weight of our argument evaporating.
     As Graham guides a very sleepy me to our bedroom, I decide to wait and see what Alex does next before figuring out what I'm going to do.

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