Rose 2.38: Emotional control

     I don't get to hide from the truth for very long. The reporters outside had let my parents know what had happened. I can only guess that Tiffany artfully kept the paper from them all day, not wanting to discuss it with them.
     I stay curled up in a ball on the floor of my bedroom as I tell Mama what happened. I cannot even look at my bed. Mama hears all about my mistake with Willow and Tiffany's reaction. We both agree that Tiffany has every right to be upset, and we both hope she can forgive me and come back.
     For days, I search everywhere in town and the surrounding area for my wife, but I cannot find her.
     Papa has to enlist the help of the police in order to keep the reporters away. Apparently, Willow's husband is a big deal, and I wonder if Papa also has the police stationed nearby in case we need protection.

     After putting Lorenzo in his swing for a little while, I go downstairs to get some orange juice when I hear a light, frantic tapping on the front door. Curious, I go to open it a small amount, small in case it's someone I don't need to see.

     Out of sheer shock, I open it wider when I see who it is. It's Willow.
     "Willow," I state, my eyes wide. She dashes inside and quickly closes the door behind her. "What are you doing here?" I manage to ask even though my brain has shut down from the surprise. Why would she come here? Isn't this the worst place for her to be?

     My brain cuts back on, and I ask again, this time in a furious way, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"
     She lets out a crying whimper and holds her head in her hand. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Donovan."
     "Answer my question, or I will throw you out," I snarl.
     "Then I would truly have no place to go." She shakes.

     I decide to use this opportunity to get an answer to a question that has been circling in my head ever since my mistake. "What did you do to me, Willow?" Willow has the power to alter the emotions of the people around her. I once asked her if she could make someone fall in love with her like that, and she'd told me that wasn't possible but that she could create desire. Did she do that to me that day?
     "I didn't...I didn't mean to," she weakly offers.
     She did! "You..." I'm too shocked to finish it, too angry that I also fear what I'd say.
     "I was...so desperate for someone to understand, to help me, and then I started thinking about how things had been between us-"

     I barely contain my fury as I growl, "You ruined my life. Tiffany left me."
     She whispers, "I know." Of course she would know; it's all over the papers. I've had to sue a tabloid because they were falsely over-dramatizing it, making up things to fill in the blanks. I won the lawsuit.
     My voice sounds like it comes from someone else as I ask angrily, "Why are you here?"

     "I have nothing. Troy has frozen everything I could possibly touch.  I only had what I happened to have in my wallet the day it happened, and now, that's gone too. I wouldn't bother you if I weren't desperate, knowing how you must hate me," she slowly explains. While she talks, my anger dissipates into a feeling of helplessness. It doesn't matter if Willow is here or not because now I wonder if Tiffany will ever come back.
     My mother's angry voice shoots over to us. "You!"

     She storms over to us, lightly pushing me out of the way. "How dare you show up here, you little trollop!"
     "Mama..."
     "You've used my son as an excuse to leave your husband, and now, you expect him to help you since it worked?!"
     I've never seen my mother this angry. She is a woman that would prefer to giggle above anything else, but she has quickly worked herself into a rage against my ex-lover...the woman that...that pulled on my emotions and helped me make the biggest mistake of my life. Seconds ago, I had been ready to defend her against my mother, but now, my anger returns. Willow needs to leave. I can't stand the sight of her.

     "Mrs. Robles, please understand that-"
     A shockwave shoots from my mother's hands like she repels something back to Willow. "That won't work. You may have my son fooled, but you can forget doing that crap on me, Missy!"
     "I don't mean to! But I'm desperate and terrified!" she pleads.
     "Whatever happens to you is just what you deserve. Get out of my house!" Mama snaps.
     "Mama!" I yell. I may be furious at Willow, but I cannot let myself allow her to be put in danger, even if she deserves it.

     Mama, her anger at Willow still apparent in her voice, says, "Donovan, you don't understand what's happening, how she wants to use you."
     Willow whimpers quietly, "No."
     Mama continues, "Don't trust your emotions right now. Maybe she's not lying when she claims she does it unconsciously as some self-defense mechanism, self preservation. I know that's what she means, but she is bad for you! Don't forget what she did!"

     Willow turns to me. "Donovan, please. The whole situation got out of control-"
     I put my hands up to stop both of the women in front of me. Then, I turn to Mama. "I have not forgotten. I will never forget, but I once scolded her for not coming to me when she needed real help. And now she is asking for help. As angry as I am, I cannot throw her out onto the streets."
     "Not in my house, Donny," Mama tells me in a final voice.
     I turn to her again. "Then I will take her to my house." She knows what I mean; I mean the little house on the corner of the property. I have been living in it again since Tiffany left. I'd found a single bed at the dump and refurbished it. I couldn't sleep in the bed Tiffany and I shared. After taking a steadying breath, I continue, "And I will once again sleep in my room."
     Relief spills out of Willow, and more tears escape her eyes.
     Mama snarls to Willow, "I don't want to see you. I cannot fully stop my grown son from helping you, but don't for a minute think that I welcome you here."

     "I wish you'd listen to me, Donovan," she finishes and walks away. "Don't forget what she is."

     I don't answer her, and as I watch her walk away, I think, She's right, of course. Hadn't I demanded that Willow leave as soon as she arrived?
     But then she'd explained her desperate situation. As much as she may deserve it, I cannot turn her away.

     "Thank you, Donovan," Willow tells me quietly.
     But I cannot trust her, I finish my inner monologue.
     "Follow me," I say and lead her outside to the little house.

      "Tiffany and I built this small house so that we could have a corner to ourselves while my little brother and sister still lived at home," I tell Willow as she walks into the smaller residence. "After we moved into the upstairs of the main house, this became Tiffany's workshop, her laboratory."

      "It's nice, and I really appreciate this," she answers generically.
      I look over at the science lab and want to throw myself upon it, resting my arms across the top of it and leaning my face down on it to cry. I've already done that once, but the urge to do so again hits me like a river in a sudden flash flood, leaving me drowning in its wake.
      My miserable eyes drift to Willow, and I say, "There's the bathroom, and the bedroom is behind me."

     Willow looks surprised to see a single-sized bed in the room.
     I answer her look. "Tiffany and I moved our bed upstairs. I found this one and refurbished it and have been sleeping in here ever since." And I have to once again face the reality of an empty bed tonight, thanks doubly to you.

     Honest regret shines through her lavender eyes as she says, "I'm so sorry, Donovan. Your mother is right; I don't deserve this, but you're doing it anyway. You're a better person than I am."

      "This is temporary, Willow. You are going to go and get financial aid at the university and start attending there next semester so you can finish. Once you're gone, I never want to see you again." I see the pain I inflicted in her eyes, but I don't care.
     She looks down and quietly nods, and I walk past her to go face my empty marriage bed.

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