Rose 2.40: Stop being sorry

      My phone rings. It's a foreign number, and even though I've recently made several contacts there, I don't recognize it.
      "Hello?" I ask, using the greeting they'd expect. I'm happy I attended university. It will help me when I move to Starlight Shores. That must've been where she'd gone when I couldn't find her.
      Hours after Tiffany left, I had the process of buying a house started. It's a small place, but it's big enough for Lorenzo and me. I can't wait to move. Tiffany has only been gone two days, and I'm already itching to go after her.
      "Is this Donovan Robles?" a woman on the other end of the line asks.
      "Yes," I answer, waiting for her to tell me who she is.
      "Hello, Mr. Robles. My name is Cynthia, and I'm with Voyage Air Lines."
      I'm not sure which airline Tiffany used, but something in the woman's tone makes my heart start hammering.
      "All right," I reply, waiting for her to tell me why she called.
      "Your wife's name was Tiffany Angles Robles, correct?"

      "Y-yes?" I ask, my voice starting to shake. Did she say 'was'? Tiffany is still technically my wife.
      "Sir, I am terribly sorry, but I regret to inform you that your wife was a passenger of flight X215, and she is among the passengers that did not survive the crash," the voice on the other end of the line informs me.
      "The crash? What crash?" I've been so busy house hunting that I hadn't paid any attention to recent news reports.
       "I'm sorry, sir, but her plane went down ninety kilometers out into the ocean due to multiple engine failures. We have not yet been able to recover her body."
        This is a nightmare. It's not real. Please, let me wake up. I'm having a nightmare that I can't save her because she left me. It's just a nightmare.
        "Sir, I am terribly sorry. Her seat was located near the tail of the plane, and we haven't recovered any of that section yet." Stop being sorry! "I'm sorry that this is the first you've heard of it. We have been working to contact family members-"
       "STOP BEING SORRY!" I yell at the woman. A choking sob escapes me. No! This can't be happening! I was going to follow her! I was going to get her back, and we were going to live happily in Starlight Shores!
       "We will inform you when we recover her body," the voice says in a sympathetic tone. Only when the call ends do I realize that that was her way of ending the call.

       Not real. Not real. Not real. Not real. No, Tiffany isn't gone. I'm going to get her back. I have to make up to her how badly I hurt her.
      Why won't I wake up?!!!!!!!!!! My body curls in on itself, and I tilt my head upwards and let out a loud cry, begging the cosmos to take away the pain that fills me with no mercy. "NOOOOOOO!!!!!" I yell. "NOOOOOO!!!!!" I scream. I don't care how loud I am. My Tiffany can't be dead! My hands reach up into my hair in fists, and I pull at it, yelling senseless noise.
      I hear people calling my name from far away, and still, I yell. My mother's face swims before me, but with the way my head pounds, I can't make sense of anything.
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      My mother sits next to me while I lie in the bed. I don't know how I got here. Tears stream down her face, and her soft hand strokes my hair like she would when I was a boy.
      "I called the number on your cell phone, the last one that had called you. They told us," she tells me as a way to explain something.
       Reality crashes upon me. Tiffany is dead. I will never look into those sapphire eyes ever again. She's gone. My eyes close, and I weep uncontrollably. Mama leans down and hugs me, and I reach out and cling to her as my wailing continues. We stay like this for a long time, and she never complains if I hurt her.
      Eventually, my grip relaxes, and Mama sits up again. I see Papa in my peripheral vision.
      "Can we get you anything, son?" he asks me.
      "No," I tell them and let go of Mama. They take the hint that I want to be alone. Before they walk out, however, I decide that I do need something. "Do we still have my old bear?" I ask. I'd loved my bear as a child.
     "Yes," Mama says and quickly leaves to retrieve it. I hear her go downstairs and come back up them. "Here," she tells me, and I see she's been crying again too.
     "Thank you," I say and crush the stuffed animal to me like I used to during a thunderstorm. Sleep blessedly greets me once again.

      Quite a few mornings later, I'm up before the sun. I get on my bicycle and ride out to the far lighthouse. As I ride, the sun rises, and I arrive at the ocean's edge after the sun has made its way above the water.
      I stare at the relative calm the ocean has today. Peace. Emptiness. From where I stand, it looks infinite. But of course, I know better. Eventually, I would reach land again.
      Somewhere out there... Somewhere out there, Tiffany died.
     They'd recovered her body. My mother gave the positive identification because I couldn't bear it. Then, we bowed to her family's wishes and sent her body to them. Today, her family holds her funeral in Starlight Shores. She'll be buried there.

      The old cycle of regrets runs through my mind: If only I had let her have her garden instead of wanting my greenhouse. I wouldn't have been looking for land to buy her. I wouldn't have run into Willow. I wouldn't have kissed Willow. It wouldn't have shown up in the papers. Tiffany wouldn't have left me. She wouldn't have boarded that plane. She wouldn't have crashed into the ocean. She wouldn't have died. We would still be happy, probably excited about the prospect of another child.

     My thoughts torture me into tears. It's all my fault. If I hadn't have kissed Willow, Tiffany wouldn't be dead!
     Her family told me about the funeral. I can't go. They know we were getting divorced, and they know why. I don't want to face them. I hate myself enough as it is.
     I had a happy life. I could've been happy my entire life, but now, that's gone.
     Lorenzo will never know his mother, I think and fall to my knees from my crying.
     I'm sorry, Tiffany, even if I'll never get to tell you again.
     Looking through my fingers out at the water, I consider throwing myself into it and letting it have me.

     I jerk my hands away from my face and make myself stand up, even if I cannot stand straightly.
     I have to find a way to keep going. Somehow. Lorenzo needs a father.

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Section of roll revealed:  
Family Structure: Second Chance
(must re-marry to someone else at some point)

Don't lose hope, Donovan!

This is a work of fiction. Both the name of the airline and the flight number are ones I invented for the chapter. Any similarities to any actual airline and ?possible? number are purely coincidental. Also, I have no idea if what happened is actual procedure; I just wanted to move the story along.

-Orlando and Alessandra Romano had twins! Adria and Tanika. I just wanted to make a note of it because it's rare townies have multiples. Plus, later, I see they are identical. Fun.
-Donovan, in the midst of all this mess, gets a promotion to level 2, assistant concept artist. 32/h

Click here to go to 2.41