Uncomplicated 3.21: Moment of happiness

     I'm sitting in my living room when I hear Edward's voice. I knew Wren went outside to do her homework, and it sounds like he's talking to her.
     I peep out the window and verify it's him, so I run out to say, "Hey." The smile that might've graced my face falters as I think, What if he's here to cancel?

     Here it comes. He's going to give me some lame excuse for why he has to cancel our date Friday. He'll have some kind of meeting or whatever so that he doesn't have to be seen with me in public again. The newspapers this morning mentioned how he was "very friendly" with a widowed farmer last night at the function he hosted. They wrote me as a widow even though Luke and I never got married! The way the article was written heavily implied inappropriate behavior.
     "Ana." He smiles, but it's a sad smile. How can he do this to me again? After everything he promised? I want to slap him. But Wren is sitting right there. Maybe that's a kind of strategy of his. Bastard. Forcing me to watch how I act while in front of my daughter. "I wanted to talk to you."
      I fold my arms. "Why not just do this over the phone, huh? That'd make this easier on everyone." I raise my eyebrows in a daring way.

      "I'm sorry I'm intruding. I thought this conversation too important to discuss over the phone."
      Of course he would interpret what I said like that. "Fine."
      "I assume you read the paper this morning." Again, he looks sad--maybe a little worried too.
      I turn to my daughter. "Wren, why don't you take your homework inside? I turned the TV off."
      "Fine. But when I'm done, can I watch MY show?"
      "Sure." I'll be down at the water crying my eyes out anyway.
      She gets up and goes into the house to the bedroom so she can spread out on her bed.
      "Yes, Edward. I read the papers, and I understand. You don't want to do this, but you have your job to think of. They're never going to let up on me." His sister has had a child out of wedlock and is now pregnant with Joseph's child, yet is anything slamming written against her? You'd think the mayor's sister would make a good target too, but I guess I'm easier since I'm so odd.

      Edward pauses, watching me. "You think I'm here to cancel."
      "Aren't you?" Don't cry. It's probably for the best anyway. Somehow. I am cyanide for his career. Everything from the past: me creating my crazy-woman scrapbook of all his triumphs as mayor--when I wasn't a part of his life, the empty feeling in my life, the pain, the humiliation: all of it is going to happen again. "Edward, just go." I can't bear to hear it.
      His brows go together like he's holding in anger. "Ana, why did I run for mayor?"
      "To make changes to this town." Changes that I could've helped with had I not had my reputation.
      "And I have. But right now, even if I hadn't, I'd still be resigning." He clenches his jaw.

      "You're what?" I had to have heard wrong.
      "I've had enough, Ana. No one and nothing is going to stand in my way. Apparently, being mayor and dating you don't work together, so I stop being mayor. I'll tell them that I'm ready to retire, and my deputy will continue in my stead until the next election. I'm telling them tomorrow...Before we go on our date on Friday." He stops talking, watching my reaction.
      He really means it. He's really choosing me over his job. A small voice in my head tells me he's always said I mean more to him than his career or what other people thought, that it was me who always pushed him to focus on being mayor. And he only used his job as an excuse to be 'noble' and step aside for what he thought was right.
      "Do you understand?" He pauses with a small smile. "I'm afraid you're stuck with me, Ana, because I'm not going anywhere."
      This is really going to happen. I get slowly pulled into his arms, and mine wrap around him as I lay my head on his shoulder, smelling his wonderful smell. He's my Edward.
      I guess wanting a neutral topic, he runs his fingers through my hair and asks, "Tomorrow is Wren's birthday party? I'm invited, right?"
      "Of course you are." Oh, Edward. My beautiful Edward. I can finally start believing everything is real.
      We stay like this for who knows how long. An hour? Wren starts watching her show in the living room. Neither of us are eager to let go of the other one. We've been through too much to let go of this moment of happiness.

Wren

      Mom and Edward must not have had the fight they were building to when she asked me to go inside. They're outside the window in a hug they're not stopping. I'm glad. Mom is sad too much. I hear her crying at night and saying his name in her sleep. Now, it looks like they're together. That doesn't look like a hug goodbye. Edward looks happy; Mom looks relieved.

     Action on the screen catches my attention. I love chase scenes. I'm fascinated by how they're shot, how many different angles and locations the camera has to go to in order to catch fast action. That must take ages to create for only a few minutes of the movie. But it's so worth it.

      The next day is my birthday. Serenity's boyfriend comes. That's them far in the background with the little hearts over their head.

     From left to right: a friend of Serenity's from school Darin, Mom, another friend Michale, Aunt Bonnie, Edward, Granpa, Granma, and Serenity. I'm standing at the cake of course. Serenity's boyfriend (she tells me he's not her actual boyfriend, but I like to tease her) is kind of standing behind Granma, so he doesn't show up well in this pic. Bonnie doesn't look happy because she invited a lot of other people to this party who didn't show up. From looking at how she looks at Edward, she blames him. Honestly, I'd rather have Edward here than anyone else Bonnie could invite.

     I get an immediate makeover, and a couple of Serenity's friends stop cheering. Honestly, I didn't think it was that bad. I think I look nice.
     The party goes like all parties do. People mill around and chat about stuff, mostly stuff that doesn't matter. Still, I like watching people's antics.

      "Hi," Serenity's friend Darin says. "I forgot, uh, happy birthday."
      I smile because he's acting funny. "You're Darin, right?" I do my best to remember names. Serenity has a lot of friends, and she introduced them when they got here. I remember 'Darin has the daring eyes' because they're so big on his face.
     "Yeah. I hardly know Serenity. I'm a freshman. But it's not like I'd say no to coming to her party. Um, your party, I guess. Happy birthday." He stands in front of me like he's forgotten how to stand up straight. Maybe his stomach is bothering him.
     "You said that already."
     "Oh. Right. But I was going to say something else after that."
     Is he going to ask where the bathroom is?
     "So, uh, music. Do you dance?"
     I shake my head. "Nah. I suck at it."
     He finally relaxes. "That can't be true. C'mon. It's easy. You just move back and forth like this. Sometimes the simpler the better." He starts dancing.

      I sway back and forth, completely off-tempo for the music. "I feel stupid."
      He smiles. "Then that's a sure sign you're doing it right."
      I laugh. I feel ridiculous, and he looks ridiculous. But I don't think he cares. I guess this means we're dancing.
     "What are you doing, Cassat?" that boy Michale says, walking over to us. He called Darin by his last name.
     Darin turns to him. "Dancing."
     Michale smirks. "I'm surprised you even came. Don't you have a major project due tomorrow? I heard another freshman talking about it today on the bus."
    "I can do it later." He acts like he's trying to ignore what Michale said, but he also looks worried.
    "I don't know, I remember Crawford being real tough, and if you want to keep in line for valedictorian and all, I thought you'd take this more seriously."
     I don't want him to mess up his grades. Mine are terrible, but I know they matter to some people. "It's okay." I stop dancing, more like I stop making a fool of myself.

      All I've had to eat is cake, and I'm feeling kinda woozy. Maybe something that has some protein would be good. I look at the table and try to decide what I'm going to eat.
      I hear Darin behind me, talking to Michale. "You're a real turd, do you know that?"
      The other boy laughs. "Just trying to help."
      Why did Serenity invite these people? I guess she wanted me to get better in touch with the high school scene. I'm not worried. I've seen lots of television about it. I should be fine.
      I wonder what's in those hot dogs. My stomach growls, but hot dogs are the least-trustworthy food of all. I guess the pepperoni and cheese on the pizza counts as protein.
     "Let me show you how it's done," I hear behind me.

      It's Michale, and he starts dancing.
      "Uh, okay." I have to admit, he's better at it than Darin. But that doesn't make me feel less stupid. So, now I'm not only feeling stupid but also hungry. And dizzy. A scene flashes in my mind of me fainting. Michale would have to catch me, and Darin would be right there too. Everyone would fuss over me, and I'd finally get something to eat. But then, everyone would treat me like a baby the rest of the whole night, and I really don't want that. I keep trying to dance.

      "Hey, you're not too bad at this," Michale says. "Guess I'm a better teacher, huh?"
      I laugh a little laugh, but I'm distracted. The paparazzi have arrived. She has a fantastic camera. I want that camera. Oh, if I had a camera like that, I could have so much fun. I could capture some really great moments, certainly more than what she's doing with it. I could pick out those moments when you really can see inside a person. Candid moments. Truth.
     She snaps a picture of me. I want to go and ask her for a copy--just to see what I look like right now as I'm thinking these thoughts.

     The music slows down. "Hey," Michale says, "I'm guessing you've never slow danced, have you?"

     Darin throws his homework on the table and storms off.

      Michale steps closer, and I wonder if I need to actually play out the fainting scene I'd imagined earlier.
      His hand moves to my waist. "It's even easier."
      "I'm kind of tired."
      "That's what's good about slow dancing: it's slower." His voice even slows down as he says 'slower.' He uses his free hand to hold mine, and we start swaying back and forth.
      I pretend to stumble.
      "Are you okay?" he asks, and I can feel his breath on my face.
      I bring my hand to my forehead; his goes to my waist just like the other one. "I'm not feeling well," I tell him, and I hope I don't sound too dramatic. "I think... if I just ate something, I'd feel better."
      "Okay." He actually looks concerned! "Sit here." He leads me to a chair. "I'll go get you a slice of pizza."
      It worked!

      I slowly eat my pizza, and Michale entertains me for a little while before wandering off to talk to someone else. I suspect he's expecting me to watch him, but I don't.

      I do a little wandering myself, and I get to talk with Serenity's 'boyfriend' for a few minutes. He's really nice, and I can imagine he and Serenity having beautiful green-eyed children together. I can see why she likes him. He's dreamy. Oh, I'd never go for him, but I can see the appeal. He just has one of those faces.

     Darin comes back and works on his assignment at our table. It must suck to have to do homework at a party.
     "Don't believe a word he says," Darin tells me when I walk over to him.
     "What do you mean?"
     "Michale. He's a liar."
     Well, this is interesting. What kind of drama has gone on between these two? "I don't know what he could've said that was lie. We talked about different stuff. Unless what he said about school was a lie, which I hope is not. He said there were lots of nice people at school, and I was sure to do okay."
     "Oh." He deflates, curling into himself.
     I sit down to talk to him a little while, but I can tell he's distracted. So, I get up and walk over to where Edward plays the guitar like I'm magnetically drawn there.

      Michale is also over here, so I ask him, "Why would Darin say you were a liar?" I suppose I could've beat around the bush, but I want to see what he'd do with a direct question.

     "Oh," he says and looks away. Then he rolls his eyes. "I dated his older sister. She was really boring, so I dumped her. Honestly, all she talked about were books. The whole family is like that."
     'Older' sister. What grade is he in? I don't want to look stupid and ask.
     He turns to me and smiles. "You're not boring, are you?"

      "Um, I hope not. I mean, I don't like being the actual center of attention." I feel ridiculous. I don't want to be boring. I just want to be interesting.
      "You wanna go out Saturday or something?"
      What?! Did I seriously just get asked out on my BIRTHDAY? The reason Serenity invited these boys becomes clear. I can't decide if I want to punch her lights out or hug her. Why did she have to interfere?
      "I'm guessing Serenity told you to do that."

     "Huh? No. No, she didn't. I mean, yeah, she invited me. I thought it was really cool to be actually invited to one of her parties. I didn't know it was a birthday party." He smiles a devious but happy smile all of a sudden. "Why? You think she was trying to set you up?"
     I think I blush. "Maaaaaayyybeeee."
     "Well, so what? I think you're pretty. No one forces me to do anything I don't want to do." He pauses. "You should give me a chance. Saturday?"
     He said I was pretty. Maybe he's nicer than Darin thinks. I guess I can understand why he wouldn't like him. "Okay."
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Generational goal reached: Wren's b'day party was the epic party to remember.

Wren: dramatic, clumsy, excitable, and ambitious

Something must be up about the aging. Natasha, Anastasia's younger sister, just aged to child, and I have her as not too much younger than Wren.

Also, these pics are from the old computer; the last chapter was from the new one, so there are going to be discrepancies. I think I've screwed up the aging thing too because of the Wishacy I have (in Diary of a Sims Player blog) I have having longer life spans. I have written "@ 7 days until Wren age to YA, Ana can get married" meaning that teenager age span should be 14. I don't think it is currently.

Some from last chapter, some from this one:
-Natasha Brewer age to child (Ana's younger sister)
-Edward and Ana going steady
-Beverly Jones died (Edward's mom)
-Helen Jones preggers by Joseph whateverhisnameis. She'd had a kid out of wedlock with Sharpo Marks before, Gordon Jones.

Click here to go to 3.22

Chain Reaction 3.36: Bad Mood

     It's been a few days since that crazy night with Kade. I woke up the next morning in his bed with the biggest headache of my life, wondering how I got there. Then, I remembered. That was the most brainless thing I've ever done. I dated Jarvis for months, and we hadn't slept together. Yet. So, I date this guy once and then hop into bed with him?
      I left before he woke up. I haven't heard from him. Typical guy.

     Well, why should he call me? He got what he wanted, and I feel like a cheap whore.
     My mind reminds me that I also 'got what I wanted,' but I don't want to listen to that. I can't believe how easy I was.
     No more wine for me!

     I still don't hear from Kade for several more days. Most of the time I spend at home with our new cat, Oreo.

     She is the most spoiled cat that ever lived. Mom picked her up at an animal rescue function, hoping having a pet would ease the pain of losing Dad to jail.
     Dad's trial is in a few weeks.

     This afternoon, my phone rings.

     "Hi," I say, nonplussed, after seeing who it is.
     "Hey," he replies, sounding much happier than I do. After a long pause, he asks, "Are you still there?"
     "Yes." And I would've hung up already except that I'm curious about what you have to say.
     "You're just quiet."
     I don't reply.

     "Everything okay? How's your dad?"
     "His trial is set in a few weeks." I still use as little words as possible.
     "I'm sorry you're having to go through that."
     I get mad. "Are you?" I snap.
     "Yeah." Pause. "Do you need me to let you go?" He's misinterpreting my silence.
     "Do you think I need to let you go, Kade?"
     "Uh... Yeah, I do, actually. You're not yourself."
     "You barely know me!" Accusing me of not being myself?!
     "Well, uh, I was hoping to fix that, but you don't sound like you're in a mood where you agree with me."
      I don't like playing the conniving shrew, but he's acting clueless. And that pisses me off. "And why might that be? Huh? How long has it been: 5... 6 days?"
      "It's Friday night. I was kind of hoping... You know what? Never mind." He hangs up on me!
      I turn and throw my phone hard. It hits the wall then slams down on the floor, shattering. I don't care. Instead, I run over to my bed and cry my eyes out.
      Why are all the men in my life abandoning me? My mind reminds me of Ethan, but I'm mad at him still from that argument we had.

     I spend the next few weeks doing nothing but hanging around the house in my pajamas. That is--when I'm not attending Daddy's trial. It's bad. They make him look like a villain in a superhero movie.
     He's convicted--and given a thirty year sentence. He may not live fifteen! And they gave him thirty?!

     Mom comes into my room. "Bella, tell me what's wrong. Is it Dad? Do you want to talk?" She cried for a straight week after Dad's trial. We both did. She, however, recovered enough to function. As for me, I hate my life. I don't know what I want to do; Jarvis broke my heart; I had a one-night stand with Kade and haven't heard from him since; and worst of all: Dad went to jail.
     "It's everything, Mom! There isn't one part of my life that hasn't fallen apart!"
     "That's not true. You have a family that loves you. You have a roof over your head and enough to eat."
     I sigh. Eat. Yeah. I've been doing plenty of that. "And that's another thing! I'm getting fat! How is it that I can be sick to my stomach one minute and starving the next?"

     "And I'm sorry, Mom, but I just can't find a bright spot in any of this. Sure, I have room and board, but I'm not the one earning it, so I feel useless there too." I bite my lip. I don't want to cry again, and lately, I've been able to cry at the slightest thing.
      Mom looks at me with her eyebrows raised in a concerned way, and she comes to sit next to me.

      "Bella, did you and, um, Jarvis, um..."
      Oh, great idea, Mom. Mention Jarvis. Just what I need. I mentally roll my eyes. "Did we what? Break up? Yes. Apparently, he's known Charlotte almost his entire life. She was the one he was trying to get over. Yeah, I was stupid to date a guy who was obviously still hung up on someone."
      Mom blurts out, "Did you sleep with him?"
      My mouth drops. "That's none of your business."
      "Maybe, but answering that question would answer another question I have."
      "No, I didn't sleep with him!" Geez! Butt out!
     Mom breathes a sigh of relief. "Okay. Maybe you could see someone to help you get through all this."
     "I was seeing someone, but he never called me after we..." My face turns red.
     "I meant a psychologist." She pauses, looking at me. "After you what?"

     I take in a deep breath. "Fine, Mom! I slept with a guy I barely knew! Happy now? It was stupid! It's just one more thing to add to the plum-pile of my life."
     Mom lets out a shaky breath. "You need a pregnancy test."
     Shock bowls me over like a locomotive. Oh, plum.

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Sorry to throw something as important as Graham's trial as more of a summary in the midst of Isabella's pity party. I just hate writing those things. Basically, you just needed to know that he's been convicted.
And no, I'm not leaving it at that. For now, however, that has to take a back burner to Isabella's part of the story.

Click here to go to 3.37

Uncomplicated 3.20: Not so much a disaster

     After a makeover from Bonnie and Serenity, I attend Edward's farce of a dinner party. Most of the town's residents ignore me, but a doctor, new in town, decides to be social. He acts entertained by my snarky responses to questions he has about the city folk. I tell him I don't know any of them well, but I make up stories of what they might be like. He knows I'm kidding.
     Then, he's here. Edward. He must've been out back on the veranda.

     "Ana! It's so good to see you!" His voice sounds like he might be greeting a fellow cohort, coworker maybe, instead of the woman he claims to love. I'm instantly on my guard as he sits down in the empty chair next to me.
     The tux he wears suits him. Maybe it was the greeting he gave me that's doing it, but the reality that I am sitting next to the mayor makes my palms sweat, which has never really happened to me, that I can outright recall anyway. I guess it's because I've most often seen him at my house. Even when I was pregnant with Wren, I rarely saw him anywhere else, and never when he wore the social mantle of mayor.
     He and the doctor exchange pleasantries as well. He's good at it, this small talk thing. Pleasantries finished, the conversation moves to the economy.
     I can do this. I can make small talk. I want to prove that I also have a voice and legitimate opinion.

     "I heard the DeBuff company is going to start mining diamonds in South Simfrica." I pluck a very hot button issue out of my head. Not only do I read our city's newspapers (looking for things about the man looking good in a tux next to me) but I read more non-biased, less yellow journalistic ones from other places. The story interested me; anything to do with the environment does. I hate what DeBuff is doing there. Greed led them to force people from their homes so they could gut the planet of its innards.
     Edward clears his throat and takes a hard swallow of his coffee. The doctor looks away. Neither of them say anything. This can't be good.
     "Is that Gonriel?" the doc asks. "I've been meaning to speak with her about something." He gets up and leaves. His plate vanishes.

     Edward looks at me and quietly says, "His uncle works for DeBuff."
     Plum. I feel my cheeks warm. Still, I attempt to defend my stance. "Then he should be ashamed of himself."
     "He isn't on speaking terms with his uncle. It's a touchy subject for him."
     I want to become one with the curtain behind me. Disappear. "Typical me, then." Of course I would find the one topic that's taboo and throw it in the wrong person's face. How does he even know something like that? I ask him.
     "It's my job to know things." There. He said it. He's good at his job as mayor. He's held it a long while now. People like him, respect him. He pays attention to their needs and makes sure not to rub people the wrong way.

     I don't deserve him! Imagine if we were engaged right now! I would be nothing but an embarrassment for him: the woman who always says the wrong thing, not suited as the mayor's wife. That's what everyone would think. I don't belong here, I think as I look around. The doctor says two words to Gonriel, and then he walks outside.

     It's like Edward can read my thoughts. "Ana, you didn't know. How could you have? I don't think he at all expects that anyone knows. He probably just got up before he could say something he'd regret." Meaning Edward went out of his way to find out what not to say. I'll never be able to do that.
     I'm a walking disaster.

     "That's all I do is say things I'll regret. Always the wrong thing." I've always been one to speak exactly what's on my mind.
     "Don't do that to yourself, Ana. That's not true."
     I stand up in a huff, and he follows me. He's like a blinded puppy. He can't see how badly placed I am in his world.

     I can't take a step more because he's maneuvered in front of me, smiling. "Don't you remember," he starts, "how I would always manage somehow to say the wrong thing around you?"
     Oh. Yes, of course I remember--because it would mean I'd manage to blow up at him. I probably helped him learn not to say something that could be misconstrued. "I guess it's my turn."
     "No." He still smiles. It's like it wouldn't matter what I'd do or say, he'd still be just happy I'm here. Plumbob, I probably just hit the nail on the head, so to speak. Blind puppy. "Anyone could make that mistake." His hand runs down my forearm to hold mine.
     I look around at the people here. Several of them are looking at us. All those looking at us didn't miss the gesture Edward just made. They're not missing how he's acting towards me. I'm doing nothing but ruin anything he's carefully built.
     A woman leans slightly over to speak quietly to the other woman standing next to her, her eyes not leaving us. Judgment streams from her gaze: The mayor is after the town harlot again, a woman who by all rights should be mourning her dead fiance.
     "I don't suppose you've eaten?" Edward asks me, not following, probably deliberately, my eye direction. I look back at him, and as if by magic, his ice blue eyes take me in. Only, they're not cold, and maybe they're less blind than I previously thought. The message is clear: He wants me fully in his life. This party was thrown for me: not for him, the other people, or his career. To him, we may as well be the only ones in the room, and I love him for it. Who cares what those old biddies think?

     I get a plate of veggie spaghetti. Edward gets nothing. "I'd say this party is going rather well." He sits down next to me.
     I wisely leave any comment on the boring-ness to myself. It's very quiet compared to the parties I, well Bonnie, throw. "People look happy." I force a smile.
     We stay long enough for it not to be considered rude when we leave. Edward asks me to take a walk on the beach...

      ...where I immediately age to mature adult. Oh no! I wasn't ready yet! How can this happen?! I'd noticed Edward must've aged up over the past few days, but the lines become him. I can't imagine the same can be said about me.

      "You didn't tell me it was your birthday." He smiles like he's laughing at some kind of internal joke.
      "It slipped up on me." I am not happy. The last thing I want is to look old. "It's not like I really want to celebrate." No, I want to know how Dad made that potion of youth.
      "Well, even if that's so, it's all the more reason to give you these." He pulls out a bouquet of red roses.
       I balk about being given the flowers, and he simply says he wanted this night to be perfect, that the flowers are merely another element of the perfect date.
       Date.
       So he is counting this as a date.
       He turns around to check and see if the party is truly winding down. The cleaning crew is at work emptying trash cans.

     "Let me show you my house." He reaches down and takes my hand.
     House. I hesitate, wondering what else he has planned. He once called me irresistible.
     And if I'm actually at his house, it'll just add to the gossips' arsenal. It'll only add to his downfall.
     He senses my reluctance. "Please, Ana. I've been wanting to for years. You inspired so much of its construction."
     If only it were daytime. But I've been so cautious that this is the first time in ages that Edward has gotten me out on the town. I let him lead me down the beach.

      At first glance, his house reminds me of my own flipped backwards.

     He takes my hands again. "You have no idea how happy this makes me."
     Why? I can't help my nervous thinking. What kind of woman have I become? I used to care not what other people thought, but those newspapers ruined me. And now, here I am, giving them kindling. Glancing around nervously, I don't see any reporters.
     "Ana, stop worrying. I just want to show you the house."
     I think what scares me most is what I want. I want Edward. I'm afraid of myself.

     Edward starts pointing out the added lighting thanks to the windows, which he says is very effective during the day. I wonder what it would look like with the morning sun streaming in.
     Stop, Ana! What if you end up sleeping with him only for him to turn around and say that the press' maniacal reporting means he has to dump you? What then? I will NOT be hurt again.
     But does he HAVE to look good in a tux?
     He then takes me to the kitchen, talking rapidly about energy efficiency. Walking around the counter, he opens the door to the bedroom, showing me but not entering. I stay frozen in my spot, wondering how comfortable the loveseat might be.

     Then he walks back over to me. "But I have to say the best part to this house is the roof." We go outside, and he shows me to a ladder.

     I have a little trouble managing to climb the ladder in my dress, but the end result is worth it. "You're right," I tell him. I have a view of the water from my house, but I can't really see it from inside the house. This is a fantastic house in a fantastic location.
     "I'm glad you agree. So many times I've imagined bringing you here and what I'd say to you if I could." He reaches over and holds my hand. He looks at me for a moment before returning his eyes to the water once more. His grip tightens. "I... hurt... you, and I am so sorry. In hurting you, I also hurt myself." He takes a breath. "I want to make it right. I'm always trying to make it right with you."
      "I'm sorry." My voice is quiet.
      I see out of the corner of my eye as his face snaps over to me again. "Why?"
      "For making it harder for you. It's just... Edward, I'm so scared." Everything from earlier comes back into my head. He chose his career before, he could do that again. Of course, I conveniently forget how he only used that as a cover to be 'noble.'
      "I wish I could make that go away." His thumb starts tracing random lines on my hand, simultaneously getting on my nerves and driving me crazy in another way, a way I don't need to be feeling. I don't need any more encouragement in that area, trust me. "What can I do, Ana?"
      I turn to face his pleading expression. I don't know what he can do, but I know what I want him to do is kiss me.

      Then, he does. It's too perfect. It's too good. It's too dangerous.
      If I kiss him back as much as I want to, things could get out of control much faster than either of us could be ready for. The man of my dreams, the one I yearned for, the one I'm no good for, is kissing me just like I wanted him to.

      "Does this help?" he asks against my lips. I nod. "I've been wanting to do that all night. You are literally too beautiful for words. I'm losing my mind."
      "Not just you," I tell him then shut him up.

      Just as I pull him to me, I also can't help but push him away at the same time. He doesn't question my hot and cold behavior, instead holding me as tightly as I'll allow and rapidly savoring every touch of our lips.
      Before this can go any farther, I push him away in a more definite way. He can't hide his disappointment. I hope he understands that I didn't want to stop; I had to. My eyes close against his expression.

      "Even though I've been an ass about showing it," he says, "I hope you know how much I desperately love you."
      For just a second, I worry I'm dreaming. "I love you, Edward."
      He steals another quick kiss. "I want to be more in your life." He might mean more than what I read in his eyes earlier.
      Oh no. I don't want to have to give him another 'no' to a marriage proposal.

      "I see that expression, Ana, and don't misunderstand. I still want that, but I also know you're hesitant. What I mean is I want more of this. I want to see you more than just at your house. I still want to officially take you to dinner, a show, anything."

     "I'm not saying jump into an engagement. But, well, are you busy Friday night? Let me take you to dinner."
     The dinner date idea again. Maybe it'll actually happen this time.
     A smile tugs at my lips. "Well, I'm not busy..."

      He kisses me quickly before I can say anything else. "I'll take that as a yes," he replies when he pulls back.

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