Uncomplicated 3.22: Can we talk?

Anastasia

     Wren has a boyfriend. Well, if I said that in front of her, she'd be quick to correct me, saying he's not her actual boyfriend. They've been on a date, and it went well.

     I'm glad she's liked by the other kids at school. Good thing she doesn't take after her mother in that regard. I see Edward walking towards me, and I think back to high school.

     Did he love me even then? And I never really noticed him. I wish he'd done more to get my attention. Life could've been so much happier than it was.

     Edward reaches over to hold my hand. "Well, this is a nice surprise." He must've been out.

     "I was out hunting for seeds," I tell him.

     He pulls me into his arms.

     "Since you're here, why don't you stay?"

     Ever since Wren aged to teen, he's been more 'encouraging' of me to stay the night at his house. All I can think is remembering when Bonnie would stay out all night and how I'd have to explain that to Serenity. I don't want Wren thinking that's okay.

     "I can't. You know that."

     He does. I can see it in his eyes. Still, I know that he's thinking since I'm not ready to be engaged yet, why not woohoo. He knows that I know he'd rather be married. Holding him in wait is getting harder and harder. I hate the worry I have that I might lose him due to his frustration. It's just different with him.

     The next time he proposes, I'll say yes. I just hate that now I worry he'll leave me for another reason. Better to be engaged; better still to be married.

     Tonight, we all wake up at midnight as Serenity ages to adult.

      We easily afford a place for her, but she almost immediately moves out of it and into another place.

(picture of the place because I want to put it here)

     A few nights later, Bonnie has a gig, and Wren has her second date with Michale. I think he's nice... perhaps a bit full of himself, but I have to wonder if that's a kind of forced self-confidence. It's hard to be a teen.

      "Hi, Ana," I hear Edward say happily. For some reason, it only now occurs to me that Edward never goes to the front door to see if I'm home. I guess that's a good thing since I rarely stay inside for long. Today, I'm fixing this old washing machine.

      "Need any help?" He used to be my go-to Mr. Fix-it, but all that time spent apart forced me to learn how to fix things on my own. Since he's resigned, I wonder if he's bored.

      I don't need any help, and I'd much rather do this on my own, but I go back to an old habit I had when I was pregnant with Wren: Edward is happiest when he thinks he's helping. "Sure."

      Once it's fixed, Edward acts like he's not going anywhere.

      In fact, he heavily implies that since the house is empty, we could go inside and fool around. Again, I have to deny him. He leaves looking resigned, and I have a dream later of him leaving me.

      Michale asks Wren to prom, and the morning we go shopping for her dress, I try to have 'the talk' with her.

      "Oh, geez, Mom! Don't you think I know all that already? You're making me lose my appetite."

      The morning after prom, I'm working in the garden in my pajamas. I've done this for such a long time that I don't think anything of it. It's a normal thing for me to work in my pajamas and then go take a shower before truly getting dressed for the rest of the day's activities.

     However, as I'm reaching up to harvest one of the money trees, I look over and see Edward standing still and watching my hemline rise up with my arms, and I feel self-conscious like this for the first time.

      "Hi, Edward." I try to keep my voice steady, but I have the sudden image that if Bonnie weren't here to break up the tension, he'd have me right here in the dirt.
      He smiles, and I wonder if I'm imagining the lust I see. "I think it's great how you can be comfortable outside working in your pajamas."
     I shrug, pretending it's no big deal. "Well, we're so far from civilization that no one's going to see anyway."
     He walks up to me, puts one arm around to hold the far side of my waist, and says, "Hi." Then he kisses my cheek. To the casual observer, there would be nothing really significant going on, but if Bonnie can't feel the woohoo tension going on right now, she is totally clueless.
     She hums a little nonsense tune. It's a good thing she's not the band's lead vocals; she really can't sing.
     She's clueless, I think as the hand on my waist quickly drops below the hemline to go up inside my nightshirt, and he grabs my butt. His body blocks Bonnie's view, but I'm still careful to move his hand. "I'm working here."
     He grins wickedly, and the sight of it stirs a reaction in me that is so strong that surely he can see it in my eyes. "Okay. I'll stand back and watch." His fingertips grace the back of my leg before he walks over to the corner.

     He decides that he can pull out his guitar and 'entertain' the plants. He's picked up playing the guitar little by little, and he's not half-bad. However, every time I bend down to get one of the lower plants, he misses a few notes.
    When I finally finish tending the garden, I go take my shower and return to the garden to where Edward waits for me. Something is up. I can see it in his eyes.
     "Can we talk?" he starts out.

      "Yeah." If my voice sounds high-pitched, I can't help it. That 'can we talk?' sounds just like the 'can we talk' before a breakup happens. Don't do it, Edward! Please. I'll just curl up and die if I have to go through losing you again.

     He looks like he doesn't know how to begin saying what he wants to say. He looks nervous, which is strange given his talent for public speaking. He offers a weak smile, knowing I'm waiting for him to say something. If he's about to break up with me, I'm in no hurry to rush him along. I want a chance to argue my case.
     "I love you," he finally speaks.
     "I love you, too," I respond quickly. But you saying you love me hasn't stopped you from being 'noble' and dropping me in the past.

     "I need to apologize," he says.
     Oh no. "Why do you say that?"
     "My behavior the past few weeks. Honestly, Ana, I'm more than a neanderthal. I just..." He lets his voice trail out.
     Oh no. Words start falling out of my mouth. "No, Edward. It's fine! Don't worry about it. I understand. Really. I just know that in your world with its old-fashioned rules and all that if we were to, um, you know..." I am a grown woman. Why can't I just call it like it is? "It just wouldn't be, um, right."
     He scowls now. "My world is your world, Ana."
     I want to argue that it isn't. That's why he would break everything off before. But I don't want to argue about anything. Oh, why hasn't he asked me to marry him again?! I didn't want things to turn out like they have.
    "What I mean to say," he continues, "is you are my world." He relaxes now, and I can't decide if that's a good thing. "And you always will be. Which is why..."

      He steps back. "Now, Ana, I'm not asking for it to be tomorrow or anything, but I'm hoping enough time has passed to prove that I never want to be without you." He reaches into his pocket. "That said..."

     "...I really hope I get a yes this time." He clears his throat. "Will you marry me, Ana?"
     I can't speak. He's not breaking up with me! I quickly nod a yes.

     He breathes a sigh of relief when I throw my arms around him.

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