Uncomplicated 2.31: Home videos

Mandi

     Where am I? Someone holds me in his arms. I'm warm and comfortable.

     And alive.

     My eyes open with a start. Yes. I'm alive. It was all just a bad dream. I stretch, and Nick holds me tighter. I smile and settle my head back onto the pillow.

     My brow creases. When did he get this bed? Wait a sec...This isn't Nick's room. I look around at the unfamiliar furniture. We're in his parents' room, only it doesn't look like his parents' room.

     I gasp and feel my belly, my flat belly. A tear escapes my eye as I think, It wasn't a dream. This IS Nick's room now because he's the head of the household. Bonnie must have his old one, and...

     Anastasia.

     My baby is a teenager. She lived! And Nick named her Anastasia for me. I rest my hand on his where it wraps around my waist. He didn't really like the name, but he chose that one anyway. It suits her. My mind recalls seeing my daughter this morning for the first time. She'd looked so lost that I couldn't allow myself to get too emotional, wanting to be strong for her. But now, I let the tears flow.

     I missed her childhood!

     Nick wakes up, hearing me crying. "Hey, what's wrong?"

     He brought me back. So what if Anastasia is a teen. She's still here and still her and I can be happy I have this time when I might've had nothing.

     Nick kisses my shoulder. "It'll be okay," he whispers.

     I sniff. "I know. It's just hard to manage all at once."

      He shows me where my gravemarker was. I imagine him sitting out here and talking to it when he'd get lonely. If he did, I never heard. I was constantly restless. I'm eternally grateful he brought me out of that.

     Life presses on, and The Maker is tired of Nick being in the same age group as Bonnie, so she ages him up early...or late rather since he should actually be close to elder now.

     Nick isn't happy, and he starts having a midlife crisis.

     Our little family works at finding a semblance of routine. Anastasia and I go and do girl stuff together, and I cherish each second she gives me. I know it must be very hard to suddenly have your dead mother back in your life.

     My time as a ghost haunts me. My dreams are hell. I often wake up long before Nick does. Cleaning relaxes me, so I do plenty.

     I walk into my daughter's room. It's still decorated like a child's room. It makes me sad. I hate that I missed it.

     Well, I'm still her mother even if I missed so much, I think as I make her bed for her. She's at school. I'm here Now.

     She'd done scouting for a little while. She'd told me how she liked going and doing fun stuff outside, playing in the dirt and all. She definitely didn't get that from me. I hate it when things get dirty.

      I'm horrified one day to be the victim of a prank. Nick tells me it was probably meant for him. Luckily, the dye quickly washes out.

      Nick does what he can to reacquaint me with my old life. We sit and watch a movie from when his mother aged to elder. It was before I got into the picture, but he decided he wanted to start as early back as possible.

     Before long, I see a video that holds every ounce of my attention.
     Nick takes a deep breath. "These next videos, I took for you. I was starting to realize it would take me much longer than I first thought to bring you back. She's about two at this point."
      I can't speak. I'm afraid that if I do, I'll cry. Nick reaches over and squeezes my hand.

     Anastasia makes little car noises while she pushes the tank toy around. She looks like she was a sweet toddler.
     "Was she a good child?" I ask him.
     I see out of the corner of my eye as he smiles at the television. "Yes."

     The video progresses to one of Anastasia as a child playing at Tim's old chemistry set. Nick continues answering my question. "She was always ready to tell us if we were messing up about something."
     "Did she like science?" I ask hopefully, wondering if that's something we have in common.
     Nick rubs his chin. "At first, yes, but right after I finished shooting this video, I hear an explosion. Then, she comes stomping into the living room complaining about things not doing what they were 'supposed' to do. She'd attempted other experiments other times only to have them literally blow up in her face."
     "Oh my!" I say, worried.
     "Nothing a quick shower couldn't cure," Nick assures me. "But she didn't stick with it."

     I continue to watch my darling child. Nick took a video of her getting her participation award for scouting.
     "I missed so much," I state in a melancholy way.
     He looks over at me and pulls me close.

     "But you're here now," he reminds me.
     "I know," I reply, and I smile as I hear Nick behaving ridiculously behind the camera. Anastasia looks over at him like she thinks he's crazy for cheering as loudly as he does for her participation award.

      "Are you okay?" he asks me this evening.
      "I am. It's just...this house holds so many memories, so many memories when I'm not present. I'm trying to deal with it," I answer and look into his big brown eyes.
      "Do you want to move?" he asks, surprising me.
      "Huh? What would the girls think? I don't want to uproot Anastasia in her teen years. I would've hated that."
      He leans down to quickly kiss me. "It wouldn't hurt to ask them."
      "It's fine, Nick. I'll be fine."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sorry if that seemed a little jerky here and there. I wanted to fill in some blanks before proceeding to the next chapter, where Bonnie learns a hard life lesson....

Click here to go to 2.32