Rose 2.42: Slip

     I lie down in my bed and let myself cry. Where did this angry monster come from? I'd not thought it through as I'd stumbled to the little house earlier. I definitely knew I needed a woman. I'd halfway planned to seduce her, but then I saw her. And the sight of her rose up a cruel anger inside me. I was already in need, and she chose that to wear. Yes, she didn't expect me, but still, she was wearing that. That was her regular nighttime clothing!
     "You're not yourself," echoes in my memory. To her, it must've seemed that way, but although drunk, I was fully aware of everything I did. I was aware, and my conscience was nowhere to be found. Perhaps he agreed with the monster and kept his mouth quiet. I cannot deny that a large part of me felt that Willow deserved that. In fact, the look in her eyes: she thought the same.
     I do not one hundred percent blame her. I know where I'm at fault, but seeing her made me, for a little while, only see where she was at fault. She's admitted to using her power to sway my emotions that afternoon of my mistake. Therein lies the blame I can throw at her feet.

     I was needing a woman, and I hated her for it. At the time, I was thinking how if it weren't for her, I would still have had a woman I loved.

      The time all-too-quickly arrives for Lorenzo to age up. We don't feel like throwing a party. Lorenzo has a negative moodlet still from what happened with Tiffany.

     He has my eyes. I do not know whether or not I am saddened by this. In one way, it's good because I won't have Tiffany's eyes watching me for the rest of my life. In another, I miss her eyes.

     He's tired, so I walk over and pick him up. "Are you ready to sleep now, Lorenzo?" I ask him.
     "Zo-zo," he answers, and I let out a little laugh.
     My mood is lighter today. Willow leaves tomorrow. Things have been awkward at best ever since that night in the little house. I apologized, not sure whether or not I meant it, but it needed to be said. She apologized too, even if she didn't say what about. She didn't have to; I knew.
     I smile and carry my son upstairs to put him in his crib. The entire way up the stairs, my little boy says 'Zo-zo Zo-zo Zo-zo' over and over again.
     "Good night, Zo-zo," I tell him and kiss his forehead. The little guy passes out the second his head hits the mattress.

     The lake monster comes out of the water, grabs me, and pulls me under. I can't breathe! I can't get free from the monster's iron grip, and water starts filling my lungs. I continue to struggle until I'm met with Tiffany's eyes. The monster got her too. I let it have me.
     "Donovan?" I hear, and I start awake. It's been daytime for a while now, I notice, as I look up at the ceiling. Willow walks across the room at the foot of my bed.
     I scowl. "Willow? What is it?" Shouldn't you have left already? I thought your flight left at six.
     "I have to talk to you," she answers, and her voice shakes like she's afraid.

     How did you get past my mother? And you're wearing that again. It's bad enough it's morning as far as my physical state goes, but she has to walk in here wearing that. She should know better. Why hasn't she left yet?
     "What is it?" I ask again.

     "You remember our little night?" she asks as a way to begin.
     "Yes," I answer and close my eyes. Right now, I feel no shame for that night. In fact, just her standing there tempts me. If I keep my eyes closed, it's easier.
     "I was supposed to leave this morning, in case you don't remember," she states.
     "Yes, I remember," I reply. "Why haven't you?" I ask, trying to sound neutral and hoping it works.
     "I feel...duty-bound to tell you..."
     "Tell me what?" I ask, wishing she'd get to the point.
     "I didn't want to leave without you knowing. I'll still take a later flight, but I know if I were in your shoes, I'd want to know," she says evasively.
     I open my eyes and ask in a harsher voice, "Tell me what?!"

     My harsh voice makes her scowl. "I'm pregnant, Donovan," she snaps at me.
     WHAM! All my breath leaves me. Willow is pregnant. Wait. There was plenty of time I had no idea what she was up to. "Is it mine?" I ask, knowing I sound like an ass, but I feel I have the right to ask that.
     "What the plum kind of question is that?! Of course it is! It couldn't be anyone else's but yours!" she rails back at me, 'what do you take me for?' dripping off her tone.

     Willow is... Willow is... My mind tries to process the information while she talks about something. I'm not listening. Willow is... Pregnant.
     "...So then, yesterday, I'd had enough..."
     Willow is pregnant...with my baby. Right now, my baby grows inside her. Yes, it's mine. She wouldn't be bothering to tell me if she wasn't certain. As much as we've avoided each other lately...
     "...I couldn't believe it, so I went back to the store to get another one. By this time, I'd missed my flight..."
     I'm going to be a father again! Willow! She's carrying my child! I think, and the sun comes out from behind the clouds. The fog rolls away. Hope in the form of a little baby waves happily to me from a distance.

     The mother of my next child clasps her hands in front of herself. "Donovan, I'm so sorry! Believe me, I didn't mean for this to happen! If you don't want anything to do with it, I'll understand. I just didn't want to be accused of trying to hide it from you. I don't expect anything from you. I'll figure something out." She starts to walk past me to the bedroom door.

     I side-step in front of her. "Where are you going?" My gaze rests on her belly, where my child grows.
     "I don't want you to be burdened by this. I just wanted you to know. I didn't want to hide it from you," she says in a shaky explanation.
     She wants to leave! I think in a panic while the clouds threaten to overtake the sunshine again. "What?!" My eyes widen as I look at her face, showing my fear.
     She starts crying. "I'm s-sorry, Donovan. I didn't mean for this to happen. I'd gone and taken a morning-after pill. Obviously, it didn't work. Don't be angry with me. I won't be one of those women that bothers you to death from a slip-up."
     Confused, I ask, "A slip? Did you slip?" Did she hurt herself?
     A hiccuping sob escapes her, and she wails, "No."
     She's okay, I think with mountains of relief.

      I don't understand, but I don't like seeing her like this, so I pull her into my arms. "Shh, shh. It's okay," I croon to her as she shakes violently while I hold her. "Please don't cry," I beg, and that only makes her cry more for a second. "You didn't hurt yourself?" I ask.
     "No," she whines. "Why do you think that?"
     "Because you said you slipped," I answer. That is what she said, right?
     A strange mixture of a cry and a sad laugh escapes her shivering body. "A slip-up, Donovan. It's the same as saying a mistake."
     "Shh, then. People make mistakes," I tell her and reach up to stroke her hair.
     She acts like she fights to get all her words out in a rush before the next sob hits her. "Well, I've made way too many!" The sob escapes, and I keep petting her hair.
     "We all have," I tell her. I take a deep breath and say, "I'm tired of making mistakes, but I probably have plenty more in my future."
     She loudly whispers, "I'm sorry!"
     "Shh," I reply, still gently stroking the back of her head and hair. "I say I'm tired of making mistakes. It would be a very big mistake to let you leave. Please, don't leave anymore. Stay."

     "You say that only because of the baby," she tells me, her voice returning to normal.
     I take a deep breath. I must make her stay! "I admit I want the baby, but if you left now after the way I treated you..." I don't finish.
     "Everybody hates me," she argues.
     "Not true," I reply and kiss her just behind her ear. "And I have been an ass, Willow. Give me this chance to redeem myself." Please don't leave! I hold her tighter. I will do whatever I have to do to keep her from leaving. She carries my child, a child I had no idea I wanted as badly as I do.

     "I'll stay," she whispers.
     I take in and let out a happy breath, hold her tighter, and kiss her hair. She's staying!

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