Chain Reaction 2.32: Grit

     There's a knock at the door. Before I can answer it, my wife walks in. She's still my wife. I won't sign the papers.

     I'm guessing that's why she's here. Then, she confirms it when she reminds me that I need to sign them.
     "No." My voice is plain but stern. "I refuse to sign them. I still think we can work this out." She's even called me a few times, trying to get me to sign them, but I steered the conversations in other directions. She'd actually sat and talked with me the last time before realizing what she'd done and hanging up.
     "I don't want to work this out. I want a divorce."
     "Why?" I snap.
     "You know why."
     "Because some tiny part of me can't stop loving Brielle?"
     "It's more than tiny."

     "Laura, listen to me: Compared to how much I love you, it's nothing. Nothing!" Don't lose your cool.
     It's just she's standing right in front of me! If only she'd let me reassure her!
     "It was enough that you freaked out when you heard she wanted another child. What were you planning on doing? Hm? Running away with her once Emily and Drake aged up?" She too easily reads my face, my shock that she'd guessed one of my schemes--one I'd even tried to keep from myself.
     I change tactics.

     I move to embrace her. "Laura, darling..."
     She jumps back away from me.
     "What?"
     "Don't touch me. I'm not falling for any of your little seduction tricks. We're getting a divorce. I can't keep living my life pretending that I don't know how you love her." She holds up her hand to silence me. "Don't feed me lies, Alexander Goth! I'm not saying you don't love me, but I need to be with someone who loves only me."
     "What do you think I'm trying to do?"
     "TRYING?"
     Oops.
     "That's exactly it! You're trying to love me! You're STILL TRYING to get over her! I honestly thought you would...But you haven't!"

     She hides her face, fighting tears. It breaks my heart.
     I whisper, "Laura, please." I'm losing. I have always admired my wife's outstanding negotiating skills, especially how she can dig in her heels and stand firm about something. Only now, I'm on the other side of it. I still can't help but admire her grit even as I fight to the death for our marriage.
     "What do you want, Alex?"
     "For you to come home." Lately, she's been staying with friends. Drake knows we've had a fight, but neither of us have told him how far this fight has gotten.
     "I mean in regards to convincing you to sign the papers."
     "I'm not going to sign the papers."
     "You want the entire company?" She would have a right to half of everything, including the company.
     "Plum the company. I'd give it to you if it meant you'd stay. Do you want it?"
     A tiny sob slips out. "Stop it, Alex! I told you: I'm done. We're done."
     "I refuse to believe that."
     "No! Even if I have to take it into a default or whatever it's called, we're getting a divorce."
     "Don't let it come to that. Give us another chance. If you don't want to move back home, then let me at least take you to dinner tonight." Starting small could work.

     She moves her hand, and the pain I see in her eyes rips me wide open. "Only if you can look me in the eyes and tell me that if Brielle came running up to you right now and begged you to run away with her that you'd tell her no." She pauses. "And don't insult me with a lie."
     My mouth opens soundlessly while Laura waits. As every infinite second ticks by, her expression grows sadder.
     I know...I know deep down that if what she described should actually happen--which it wouldn't--I would be unable to resist. "And don't insult me with a lie." I can't lie to her.
     "I see," she says in a decided way.
     I've lost her.

     I've lost the only woman who's ever loved me. I deserve to lose her. I'm not worthy of her. I've spent almost my entire life loving a woman who can't love me back. Yes, I loved Laura--but not enough. Not what she deserves.
     I've ruined her life and mine.
     I can barely form the words when I speak: "I'll sign them." I plop down hard onto the couch, curling up and pushing my face down into the cushions. My glasses are a mess. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Oh, Maker, Laura, I'm so sorry."
     Her voice sounds barely in control itself. "I'll... make sure you get another copy." She knew from knowing me so well that I'd ripped the other ones to shreds.
     I hear her heels on the floor before the door opens, and Laura leaves me forever.

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