Random Simming: Rose 2.60: An old pain

Donovan quickly turns around, startling both me and Camilla. Her eyes widen in fear, and she dashes out of the room.
"Little flower, wait!" he calls out.

     I see them talking in the hallway when I exit the room.
     Donovan must hear me because he asks Camilla, "So, you like Nana?"
     Camilla nods shyly. Then, her quiet voice answers, "She's nice. And she has pretty earrings. She made them! She said she would teach me. But I can't wear earrings."

     He lovingly strokes his daughter's face. There he is!
   "Would you like to get your ears pierced?" he asks, and the way he asks it makes my heart melt.
     Looking at the two of them, I can tell that Camilla is afraid of him. Or, she's usually afraid of him, but whether it's bravery or hope, she stands strong right now. Donovan acts like this moment is incredibly precious. I get the feeling that if Camilla asked for the moon, he'd go get it.
     "You would let me pierce my ears?" she asks like she can't believe it.
     I hear the smile in his voice. "Of course."

     She lets out a relieved breath and throws her arms around her father's neck. "Thank you, Papa!" she happily breathes.
     Donovan holds her like he hasn't done so in years. Half of me wants to retreat into the room behind me, but I don't want to make a sound so as not to interrupt the tender moment. So, I stand perfectly still, an interloper.
     While I pretend to be scenery, I again wonder who the mothers of his other two children are. To me, Camilla looks just like her father, maybe with a different nose. The papers only said she's the daughter of a wife of an important man in Lucky Palms. I assume it's the same one that started his and Tiffany's break up. Who was she?
     And Arlen...I have absolutely no clue with him. The press has no idea either. For all they know, the child mysteriously showed up one day. Donovan might tell me if I ask, but then again, I could be sent packing in a matter of minutes.

     Camilla pulls back from the hug to give me the biggest smile I've ever seen on a child. "Did you hear that, Nana? Papa is going to take us so we can get my ears pierced!"
     I put on a bright smile that might not reach my eyes. "That's wonderful!" I reply happily.
     I don't think Donovan looks very happy that Camilla used the words 'us' and 'we' in her exclamation. He looks down and away from both of us, thinking who knows what.
    Camilla turns back to her father. "Can we go tomorrow, Papa? Please, please can we go tomorrow?!" She all but jumps up and down in her excitement.
     He winces. "I have to... I've got a..." He sighs. "Yes, of course we can go tomorrow."
     Camilla lets out a little cheer and hugs her papa again.
     Camilla is the answer. Donovan will do anything for his little girl.
     "It's bedtime, Camilla. Go brush your teeth and go to bed," he tells her.
     She looks at him strangely like she's not used to hearing him saying that. "Okay, Papa." She quickly beams at me on her way to the bathroom.
     Donovan doesn't look at me as he gets up and rapidly descends the stairs. After a few moments, I hear him arguing with his mother.

Donovan

Mama walks into the house via the greenhouse and acts surprised to see me. "Donovan! When did you get home?" She rubs the back of her neck in a guilty way.

"I have been home for some time now. In fact, Lorenzo tells me that we now have a nanny. I wasn't aware you wanted to get a nanny."

She meets my half-glare with a hardened stare of her own. "I'll be aging to elder in a short while. I'll need help, especially with Arlen. You're busy with your career and your life. I didn't think I needed to run it by you."

I approach her. "You didn't think you needed to run it by me? About my own children?"

She glares at me. "Don't start with me about the 'my own children' crap! Who has changed every single one of Arlen's diapers? Me! His grandmother! If I decide to go and hire a nanny to help me, that's exactly what I'm going to do!"

I gesture to the stairs, assuming Shauna can hear us but not caring right now. "So you hire Shauna?!"

Mama straightens her back, looks me straight in the eye even though I wear my sunglasses, and says, "Yes. I think Shauna fits the bill quite nicely."

She knows exactly what she's doing!

"Stop living in a dream world, Mama! Don't you know who Shauna is?!" I snap.

Mama smiles victoriously. "Yes. She's an ex of yours that you saw the other night and kissed, and I'm just guessing here, but that must've been some kiss."

I am momentarily in shock. Just...how much...did Shauna tell my mother?

"She's also a girl that told me she didn't want to date me anymore!" I yell, an old pain worming its way to the surface. "So you...invite into our house an almost-stranger, someone you already knew was connected with me somehow?! How did you know she's not just some crazy lunatic obsessed with me and spouting a bunch of lies?!"

She levels me with a furious stare. "You doubt my ability to read people? Let's tally up the score, shall we? How many times have I been wrong about someone?"

"It's quite a gamble... with my children!" I am not backing down. My mother has crossed the line, and I'm going to make sure she knows it.

"You didn't seem to mind so much taking a gamble with my grandson when you invited that bwitch into our house!" she yells back at me. "I warned you about her, but you wouldn't listen! Who was right then, Donny? Huh? Who? Me!" Her voice gets deadly as she continues in a raw fury, "Don't you dare accuse me of willingly taking risks with the safety of MY grandchildren! Don't you dare insinuate I am a poor judge of character! And as long as I am the sole caretaker of your children, don't you dare assume to have any right to how I decide to raise them!"

She should've slapped me. I could've taken that better. As it is, I take a step back, my jaw hanging open. Still, my rebellious side has its say, "Don't think I don't know what you're up to. It won't work." I storm past her, through the greenhouse, and head to the little house.

Once I get here, I'm shaking. I can't decide which horrible thing to focus on first: Shauna is here instead of leaving to go home; my daughter is every bit as afraid of me as I feared; my mother just told me in so many words that I'm a terrible father, throwing into my face all my mistakes.

But Mama is right! I've been a terrible father! I knew I was; that's why I stayed away, but in staying away, it only made me worse!

So...I stop staying away now...only to be around SHAUNA?!

I stand up and start pacing. I can't handle that my mother and Shauna are plotting against me. They are two women that I actually held in some esteem. Now, they have been blown off that pedestal and shown for what they are: women. Mama is dangling Shauna at me like some bait, but why? Does she think I'm unhappy?

I let out a shaky breath.

The truth is that I DO want Shauna. In one way or another, I've thought about her every day, even if only for a second to wonder how she's doing. Now, she's HERE! She is somewhere in the main house, probably continuing to conspire with my mother on how to 'win me back.'

Shauna doesn't know what she's gotten herself into. I am a monster.

She thinks she's going to 'save me from myself,' but that isn't what will happen. If she stays, what will happen is that I will end up dragging her down to where I am. Up in Camilla's room just now, she wanted me to kiss her. It scared her, but she wanted me to.

I think and picture Shauna brought down to the darkness that inhabits my soul, and it breaks whatever heart I have left.

No. I can't let that happen! I have to avoid her, and when I'm around my children, I have to ignore her.

I let out a shaky breath when I remember that this resolve I just came to will be immediately put to the test. I promised Camilla to take her to get her ears pierced, and my little flower wants Shauna to come. She wants 'Nana' to come. Nana. She's not Shauna. She's Nana. That helps.

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