Rose 2.58: Pretense

Backing up to just after Pedro died....
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Rose

     Pedro! He's gone! I can't remember what it's like to live without him! How did I manage it?
     I wander around for days. I still expect to come around the corner and see him in whatever room. Sometimes, I really do forget and think he's just somewhere else in the house. Then, Donovan reminds me, gently.
     Donovan takes over as the head of the household. I'm relieved to tell the truth.

      Giacomo sees me standing outside. I forgot why I came out here, but I greet him while he walks over. He tells me Florence died.

     "So did Pedro," I tell him.

     He starts spouting off cliches that are meant to make me feel better. They don't.
     "Rose? Did you hear me?" he asks.
     "Huh?" I ask back and turn to face him.
     "I realize this might appear crass and impertinent, but I only have so much time left..."

     He kisses me. Being kissed by another man feels so wrong! These aren't the lips I've grown used to, the lips I miss.

     I stare at him in shock.
     "Rose darling, I know it's sudden, but perhaps we could help each other. I may have loved Florence, after all, we had a child together, but I've always loved you more. May I finally have the chance I've dreamed about for decades?" he begs.
     That was a pretty speech, but I feel nothing. "Giacomo, I know you've loved me, and before I started dating Pedro, I was flattered. But I still love Pedro with everything I have even though he's gone."
     He takes a deep breath, and I know what I said stung.
     "I'm sorry," I say.
     He tries to smile kindly but fails. "I know. I know you are. If you change your mind, let me know. I'll never stop loving you, even if you can't return it." He nods like he agrees with himself, and then he says farewell.

     Taking a leaf out of Donovan's book, I set up a pretty memorial area for Pedro's ashes. This way, I really do sleep next to him every night.

     I start recovering from the loss of my husband, more in the 'here and now,' and my son disappears. He goes through another transformation, and this one is bad. He's often surly with everyone, even his children, and most nights, he comes home drunk if he comes home at all.

     I don't understand where he went, but I try to. His wife died. Camilla's b*tch of a mother left him. His father dies. Then, a wicked fairy leaves their son on our doorstep. Fairies: I've never trusted them, and now, I have one for a grandson.
     Lorenzo tries to get his Papa to act like he used to, but Donovan merely grunts responses to Lorenzo's never-ending questions and comments. Poor Camilla doesn't know what happened, and her little heart and mind can't figure it out. She avoids her father.
     Donovan never has anything to do with Arlen. It's like he doesn't exist. Wait. Surely not. It has to be that Donny feels tremendous shame every time he looks at him.
     My son has crawled into himself, and I don't know how to get him out!

     He ages up. We have a small party at home. I'm surprised. I thought for sure he'd have some big bash with all his celebrity 'friends.' Instead, he chooses to spend it with us. Accustomed to looking for emotion behind reflective sunglasses from my experience with his father, I see that Donovan, my child, is still in there. He loves his children, even Arlen, but he hates himself.
     I lie awake at night thinking and worrying. Then, fear runs through me when I hear a sound like someone is in the study! I'm being robbed!

     My fear turns to joy when I see who it is. Pedro!
     He turns to see me and smiles. "I didn't want to wake you."

     I attack him, crying. His freezing hands try to wipe my tears, but he mostly fails. It's strange kissing a ghost, but I don't care. It's Pedro!

     "How is everyone?" he asks.
     I tell him about the fairy grandson and my worries about Donovan. "I have to find a way to pull him back out."
     "You might not be the one that can do it," he suggests.
     "Is Tiffany...?" I can't finish my question.
     He shakes his head no. "I haven't seen her."
     I nod my understanding. "I'll figure it out." Then, I look at him and grin. Oh, it is so good that he can visit! "In the meantime..." I giggle.
     "I love it when you get that look in your eyes," he says and grins back at me.

     Ghosts can take showers? Who knew?
     If I thought kissing a ghost was strange, that's nothing compared to woohoo. I'm still satisfied, though.

     Lorenzo ages to teen. Donovan misses it completely. Later, Zo-zo (he will never outlive that nickname with me) straightens his hair in CAS.
     Before I know it, I will age to elder. I'm definitely not thrilled with the idea of looking old. I think I look old enough as it is, but everyone tells me I don't look a day over forty. They're sweet.
     What worries me is I have a teen, child, and infant in my care, pretty much solely in my care. When Arlen ages to toddler, soon, I will have real difficulty keeping up. If it were just Lorenzo and Camilla, I would probably be fine, but I doubt I can keep up with a toddler the way I used to.
     I need help. I don't tell Donovan about this, preferring to do this on my own, but I put in an advertisement in the paper for a nanny. Yesterday, a sweet voice called and asked if she could have the job. She has a little experience, but mostly it was the feeling I got while talking to her. I trust my gut instinct, and I invite her over for an interview.

     "Miss Stinson?" I ask when I answer the door to a blonde woman.
     She smiles a sweet smile at me. "Yes. This is the Robles house, correct?"
     "Of course! Won't you come in?"

     "Please, call me Shauna," she offers.
     I tell her she can call me Rose, and we talk about a job she had many years ago working in a daycare. My rational mind tells me that I could find someone with more au pair experience, but there again, my gut says I've just scored a jackpot.

     "So, tell me about your most recent job," I request.
     I hear about how she has an art degree, hm, and that her last job was an illustrator for a publishing company that mostly sold children's books.
     "Where did you get your degree?" I ask, my curiosity riling up like pressure in a shaken Coke bottle before it's opened.

     "Mrs Robles..." she says apologetically, deciding not to call me Rose. She pauses, and I silently wait for her to continue. "I don't want to go any further without telling you this, but... I went to university with Donovan. We dated."
     "You did?" I ask, and I hope the excitement doesn't show through my voice. Will this explain my gut feeling?!
     "Y-yes, and I...came to Monte Vista to see him. He's...not himself. He," she covers her eyes in her shame, "ordered me to leave Monte Vista, th-that he didn't want to s-see me." She lets out a huff. "You know what? I'll see myself out."

    I grab her arm and turn her around. "Whoa! Wait a sec. So...you saw Donovan last night, and he got so upset that he ordered you to leave?" I can't believe it! I think, and my inner self jumps up and down, clapping her hands like a little girl that's about to get a present. She nods, and I continue, "Donovan has..." How do I say it? "...definitely not been himself these past months. He's doing nothing but get worse. I don't know what else to do! Upset...He got upset. What kind of upset?"
     She blushes, and I hug her.
     "Mrs...Robles?" she questions because I'm still hugging her.
     "Please call me Rose," I say and stand back, holding her shoulders and grinning like a loon.
     "Mrs," she pauses, seeing my look. "Um, Rose, I'm afraid you still don't understand. I'm sure I would love to care for the children, but Donovan..."

     "Oh, don't worry about Donovan! I'll be the one that's hiring you. He can't say a thing."
     "They are his children."
     "And I'm their grandmother, who's been pretty much solely responsible for their care for quite a while now," I reason. "You let me handle Donovan." I can't stop smiling.
     She still wears the look of someone at confession. She whispers, "He kissed me."
     "I knew it!" I yell and can't prevent my happy dance this time. She looks at me like I've got a few screws loose. Maybe I do. "I had a gut feeling about you, Shauna, and boy, was it right!"

     "Mrs Robles!" she calls out in an authoritative tone then looks immediately abashed. "I'm sorry. I will not be hired for a job I'm under-qualified for. I found the advertisement and called you because I am chasing your son."
     I could kiss her, but...ew. "And I'm going to help you," I finish for her. My face splits in two with my wide grin when I see her jaw drop.
     I had a good feeling with Tiffany, and, other than the circumstances due to that bwitch, she turned out fine. I knew Willow was no good for him, and the run-in with that evil fairy woman was merely a further product of what Willow did to him. I have the best feeling ever standing in front of the blonde woman that my son kissed last night.

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