Chain Reaction 3.85: Frankly, My Dear

     I awaken to a beautiful, warm day.

     The fresh air is wonderful. To think, the entire time, I was underground. No wonder there were no windows.
     I stretch my arms out and turn in a circle. And the chip in my neck has to have shorted out somehow. That, or they're toying with me?
     No. They would've found me by now, and I'd be waking up in a cage... If I'd wake up at all. I sigh happily.
     Still. I'd better keep moving. I walk for miles before I chance upon a campsite.

     It's almost too good to be true. I find some granola bars and a cooler with water bottles. There is a newspaper resting on a log, so I look at it. It's late summer. In the business section, I see my name. "Alexander Goth to be cleared of all charges. Police report new investigations." The article continues, making it sound like it's a moot point whether or not I'm cleared of all charges because I'm dead. I'm not dead!
     Then, I look inside the tent and see a cellphone resting comfortably on a pillow. Someone left their PHONE? My hand shaking, I pick it up. And I dial Emily's number. I don't intend to steal the phone. I just need to use it. It rings for the other end of the line, indicating that either I'm on the same continent or this is a number for someone else. Either way, I'm going to talk to a person. I hope.
     "Hello?" a woman's voice answers.
     It's her! My throat tightens up, and tears prick my eyes.
     "Is anyone there?" She sighs in annoyance, and I'm terrified she'll hang up.
     "Don't hang up!" I work at catching my breath. Oh, my precious Emily.
     "Who is this?"
     I hear voices behind me in the woods. The campers are returning.

      I speak quietly. "It's Alex. I'm not dead. I'm coming home. I love you, Emily." My voice cracks at the last sentence.

      "Alex?!" She starts breathing fast.
      "Yes. I have to go. I'm sorry, but I'm borrowing someone's phone without them knowing. I'll call you again as soon as I can. I love you."
      "No! Alex, wait!"
      "I can't. I'm sorry. I have to keep moving."
      "They've revoked the charges! You're not a fugitive!"
      "I know. I must go. I don't want my abductors to find me. I promise I'll call again as soon as I can."
      She sniffs, crying. "Please call back soon. I love you."
      With pain yet hope, I hang up, put the phone back on the pillow, and slip away before I'm noticed.

     I don't know how many miles I hike, jog, and walk, but I do arrive at a town. I have no idea where.

      I beg to borrow someone's phone, and when I find a nice fisherman who'll let me use his, I call Emily again. She cries some more. I tell her where I am--a place called Brindleton Bay that I've never heard of before. Looking at the map, she tells me it's ages away. I'm not giving up, though.
     The fisherman then directs me to one of his friends, and through a network of favors, (they've heard of me!?) I make it back to Eden.

     Emily and I agree to meet at a place along the river, and when I see her, I wonder at first if she's a mirage.

     She looks lost in thought for a moment. Then, she looks up and sees me. She gets up and flies at me as quickly as I do her, meeting in the middle.

      She makes a startled noise when I ravenously kiss her. She shouldn't be startled. I haven't seen her in around eight or nine months. I need this. Doesn't she need this? Why is she shaking?
      A little, sad cry exits her mouth. Her cheeks are wet. She is sobbing while I kiss her.
      I can't take it. "It's okay, Emily. Whatever it is, it's okay. I'm here. You're here. We're safe. It's all going to be okay." I just hold her while she cries very hard into my shoulder.
      "Oh, Alex, I'm... I'm... I can't!" She pushes back! "I don't deserve it!"

      "What are you talking about?" This isn't what I'd imagined.
      "I didn't want to tell you, at least over the phone." My stomach sinks. "But you're going to find out anyway."
      A hundred different possibilities go through my mind, but not one of them makes me want to turn and walk away. Not one. "Emily, whatever it is, whatever's happened: it doesn't matter. I love you. Understand? Stop crying." I wrap my arms around her, making her straighten up as I pull her tightly to me.

      She holds me just as desperately as I do her, which does give me some reassurance. "But you don't understand."
      "No. I think it's you who doesn't understand, my precious Emily. There is nothing, nothing that will make me want to push you away." I get a sudden fear that one of my possible explanations might be true, and I hold her tight enough to hurt. "And if someone else thinks he loves you more than I do, he'd better prepare to fight a losing battle."
      "It's not what I deserve." Plum it, she starts crying again.
      "Shh. Please don't talk like that. Whatever it is, forget about it, at least for right now. Maker, I've missed you." I squeeze her again, smelling her hair. The real Emily.
      Wait a minute. What if this isn't real?
      She notices I've somewhat relaxed my hold of her, and she pulls back.
      "Would you answer just one question for me, though?"

     Her lip quivers, and I wonder what she expects me to ask.
     Heavily thinking about that time on the roof of my penthouse, I ask her, "When and where was the first time I kissed you? The first time." Again, I keep thinking of that time on the roof, which is not the answer. If Emily answers this wrong, I'll be suspicious, even if I know she might consider the roof the first time.
     She looks back at me with a confused expression. "Um, well the first time was that time you kissed me on the forehead on your couch. But that was just accidental; it didn't mean anything. If that isn't what you're talking about, then-"
     I cut her off.

      She makes another noise of protest, but I don't care. AD would've answered according to my thoughts. This is Emily. Oh, plum, Emily! I'm not hallucinating. It's really her...
     ...squirming in my arms like she wants me to stop. Pain chips away at my heart. "What is it?"
     "You... You wouldn't be doing that if you knew what a monster I've become."
     We argue for a little while, but I don't want her to talk about anything negative. Finally, she lets me know she brought a change of clothes for me, and I change in a nearby public restroom.

      "This is surreal." I reach over to hold her hand as we climb the stairs, and I'm scared of how she pulls her hand away. If Drake has stolen her from me, he will lose. Because I will practically drown her with love. Emily didn't want to discuss while we were riding in the car what she'd been trying to talk about on the pier. But her little comments have got me wondering.
      It doesn't matter. I'll love Emily no matter what she's done. Call me a sap, whatever. After the hell I've been through, it's just good to be home.
      I walk inside the house and take a deep breath. Emily had already told me Alaric... and Valentino... were at school, that she didn't want to tell them I was returning, instead letting us get reunited after school and giving her and me time to 'discuss things.' The mention of Valentino living here is an enormous red flag. It means Drake is living here.
     But Drake isn't at home. Good.
     We only just make it past the foyer when Emily folds in on herself, starting to sob. I pull her into my arms.

     "Emily..."
     "All I've wanted for a long time is for you to be able to come home. And now you are, and now, I'm scared of what you'll do." She cries quietly while she shakes as if in a snowstorm.
     "Emily, whatever has happened, it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that I am home. I've been through the seven levels of hell, and it's a miracle I made it out. I still have a slight paranoia, but I'm not letting it get in the way of celebrating the simple fact that I'm home. That you're here. That you're you. That this is real. What do I need to do to convince you of that?"
     She sniffs and sobs again. "I can't imagine what you must've been through."
     "I did what I had to do to stay alive."
     She sobs again. So, I just hold her, not letting her pull away. As the seconds tick by, it becomes obvious what each of us is doing.
     "Alex, if you knew what I'd done, you wouldn't be holding me like this, and I don't want you to because you're going to hate me."
     I sigh. "I could never hate you."
     Her cries have turned into hiccups. "Alex, please." She pulls back some, but I don't let go of her.

     I decide to address the white elephant. "So when does Drake get home?" I watch her closely, and my heart sinks when she suddenly looks up in fright, 'how did you know?' written all over her face. "I guessed, Emily."
     "Alex, I'm sorry. I didn't want any of it. I don't know why... or how... I could let anything like that happen." She tries to pull her arm loose from my gasp, and the hand that I was using to wipe her face wraps around her waist to pull her closer. "No, Alex."
     "Tell me what happened." I'm not letting go of her. Not yet. I want to hold her in my arms while she lets me know whatever happened with that snake of a son I have.
     "You shouldn't be holding me like this."
     "I've spent too much time not holding you. I want to know what happened--but only so that I can know. Frankly, it won't affect how much I love you, Emily."
     She's shaking, and she closes her eyes tightly. "You don't understand. He was being so nice. I got lulled into a false sense of security. Then he kissed me, and I kissed him back. It was a mistake! It was a horrible mistake!"
     I've thought this before, and I'll think it again: Drake is so much like me: all the parts I don't like. "Okay," I tell her just to let her know I'm listening. I have a feeling there's more. If it were me in Drake's position, I wouldn't have stopped there. Oh, I wouldn't have forced anything, but I would've been a lot more intense.
     That gets me thinking: And I'm guilty of my own mistake. I picture how AD had turned herself into a Brielle-like thing, how she forced me to see that deep down, I'd not gotten rid of all my love for Brielle.
    "He wouldn't stop after that, no matter how many times I told him no." She sobs again. "I let him do whatever he wanted, even if I always talked about how I hated him. Still, I should've fought harder. I'm so sorry."
    My heart breaks for her. Drake abused her, a million times worse than he did when they were teens. "Emily..."

       "It wasn't your fault." I kiss her tears. Then, I shake a little when I gently kiss her lips. She tries to back away, but I hold her chin. I'm trembling from the effort of holding back. I have a primal need to reclaim everything about this fantastic woman.
     She let Drake do whatever he wanted. I understand her agony. I need to tell her what happened to me. I don't want to because I don't want to relive it, but she needs to know. I pray she doesn't hate me.
       "I'm not stupid, Alex. I knew I could stop him if I really wanted to, but I felt trapped, hopeless. So, it was like 'why bother trying?' But I should've fought harder."
       "I understand the hopelessness all too well, Emily. I wanted to die. I begged to die." I get ready to tell her my story, but she distracts me.
       "I tried to kill myself with sleeping pills."

       My arms fly around her. "No!" I whisper loudly. "No, oh maker, no!"
       "You were gone. I couldn't muster enough in myself to get him to stop. I thought I was stronger than that, but the utter disappointment in myself... the hopelessness! I couldn't take it anymore!"
      "No more. No more of that. Ever."  To think I could've finally escaped from my hell only to enter into another one with a world without Emily. Unthinkable. But that's exactly what she thought happened to me. She thought I was dead, or at least worried I was. "It's not hopeless."
      "But, Alex, I..."
      I interrupt. "In case you haven't noticed, my very dear Emily, I am no saint. My biggest redeeming quality is that I love you to distraction. That's why it nearly killed me when I had to do what they demanded of me." I squeeze her, afraid of her anger at what I have to say next. "They stole my son from me right after he was born. I tried to fight them, but I wound up waking up in another type of cell."
     "Oh, Alex." She sweetly kisses my neck. She's the comforter now, and I understand her fear that I would hate her for what she did--because I feel the same.
     "I fathered countless children, Emily."
     "How? You weren't gone long enough for that. Were you?" She's thinking I carried the pregnancies.
     "The hybrid females can get pregnant." I squeeze my eyes shut just as I squeeze her.
     Her voice sounds hoarse. "How many?"
     "I don't know. At first, I was brainwashed, but then I kind of woke up and realized the trap I was in. After that, I wanted to die from what I'd done." I stroke her hair. "Please forgive me."
     "Oh, Alex," she says again in the exact tone of sympathy I'd used earlier. And I feel her lips on mine.

      I feel tears coming, and I hold her face. Our kiss is simple by most standards, but the emotion behind it isn't. We've both been through our own hell.
     "I finally understand what you meant," she tells me against my lips.
     "Hm?" Oh, Emily, just keep kissing me. Each one is worth years of therapy.
     "That you love me no matter what. Of course I forgive you. You were left with little choice." She keeps sweetly kissing me.
      My shaking gets out of control, and my lips and tongue quickly follow. I can't take it anymore! I simply must kiss her like a maniac. She squirms again, but that doesn't so much as slow me down. I am holding the woman I love more than life, and she loves me too.
     When I start working at the buttons on the back of her dress, she roughly pulls back. "Alex, no."
     ??? I can't think in words right now. My face must show my emotion because she responds to it.
     "The difference between us is you had almost no choice. I had every choice, and I chose not to fight. If you won't hate me, I'll hate myself."
     "I won't let you." I kiss her demandingly now, and that apparently makes her mad. She pinches my ear in such a way that I'm utterly distracted from everything else. I loudly cry out in pain. She immediately lets go with a gasp.
     When I look down at her, she looks horrified. Then, her face crumples, and she lets out a sob before running past me and up the stairs.