Chain Reaction 2.90: Can't Handle It

Ethan

      I get home from work, and my phone beeps at me. Claire. Probably telling me she's going to be late again. She left a message.

      "Ethan! You were right. MorcuCorp. You were right."
      Huh? Claire! What are you doing?! The message keeps playing even though she no longer speaks into the phone. I can barely make out noises, even though I strain to listen. Where is she? MorcuCorp Headquarters? Oh plumbob!
      My stomach drops through the floor when I hear her scream. I stand frozen in fear. The phone sounds like it's been dropped on the ground. "...back down...children!" Then, I hear a man's voice. "...them...belong!" Panting, I try to slow my heart rate as I continue to strain to listen. More muted voices.
     Then a gunshot.
     I make a strange noise and fall to my knees. No. Please no. Tears run down my face. If I could move, I'd be running out the door, but I'm frozen. No amount of training could ever prepare me for this.
     I hear the man's voice again, cursing this time. I hear more background, another voice. It kind of sounds like someone giving orders. The first man's voice gets louder. He must be holding her phone. "...for the last time." There's a pause, and then he speaks directly into the phone. "Malcolm killed her." He hangs up.

     Someone is screaming. Seeing Mikey run in the room, I wonder if it's him. "Daddy!" The screams continue. "Daddy, what is it?" Mikey looks scared.

      "Ethan."
      Charlotte whimpers. My daughter's tears are the worst. She always sits next to me. I sleep on the couch because I can't bear to be in my own bedroom.
      "Ethan."
      Is my phone ringing? I can never tell with this new phone. I had to turn in my old one. Evidence and all. The... the other phone... her phone's last ping was from a bridge near the bay.
      "Ethan, wake up."
      My head hurts.
      "Em-em," Charlotte cries.
      Emily? I open my eyes. Something is happening at my feet.

      "Come here, sweetheart." Emily reaches for Charlotte, who starts crying anew.

     Emily walks back into the living room and has a seat next to me. "Hi," I tell her.
     Mom and Dad were here to help me the first week. I was going out of my mind. They can't find Malcolm. They say they know who the man's voice was after enhancing the voicemail. Malcolm called him Tony. I don't care about Tony as much as I want to see Malcolm's head on a pike.
     "Was she hungry?" I ask. I've been doing okay this week. I'd convinced Mom and Dad that I wanted them to go home. I'm doing better. The kids are fed, even if my cooking skills are not that great.
     "She was exhausted, Ethan. I had to promise her I'd sit here next to you so that she'd sleep." She looks like she's scolding me but trying to rein it in.
     "Oh."
     "Mikey called me. He told me that other than doing the bare minimum, you've been doing nothing but sleep on this couch."
     "They were fine! I even bathed the twins day-before-yesterday."
     For just a second, she looks furious. Then, she takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. Emily with a temper? "Mikey has been doing his best to try and fill in for all the other things, the little things, but he's overwhelmed. Why haven't you called anyone asking for help?"
     "I'm fine."
     "Sleeping on the couch all the time isn't fine. Charlotte has been sitting next to you or near you for fear that you'll 'disappear' too when she's not looking. That's Mikey's guess anyway. He's tried his best to keep Chloe entertained, but she does nothing but tell him how he's not doing anything right."
      I scowl and look at the floor. My head feels like one big haze, but that's better than the pain that comes when I let myself think too much. Yes, I did bathe the twins, but I couldn't keep from crying when I was washing their hair.
      "Alex and I are going to help out. Try to stop us and you'll fail." My little sister gives me a look like she's daring me to say something.
      My lower lip quivers. "You can use my room."

     So, my sister and brother-in-law become fixtures around my house. Emily's right. I sleep. A lot. I can't help it. I'm so tired. I realize now that the reason I would do anything was for Claire. I have no reason to live other than to care for my children...and apparently, I suck at that now too.
     Divers found her body. We had a funeral. I'm sad to say I don't remember much of it.

     I keep her ashes in the kitchen. I plan on doing something more special with them, but I just can't handle it right now.

      Sometimes, I see things as like Emily is here for me...and Alex is here for Emily. I remember when I used to be the strong one.
      That's not to say Alex doesn't do what he can for me. He's really stepping in and helping with the kids. Mikey had fallen behind in his schoolwork, and I hear them working on it in the kitchen or outside in the yard. Sometimes, Alex just comes in and sits next to me quietly while we watch random things on TV. On occasion, I ask him how his custody battle is going. He tells me he's figuring out just how stubborn Selena can be.

     I tell Emily that I'm going back to work after the twins' birthday.
     "Ethan, are you sure?"
     "It's been long enough." What I'm not telling her is that I really want to find out what Finn has found on the case. He's been placed in charge of the manhunt for Malcolm Landgraab. They'd done a raid on the headquarters. I want to get involved. This is my wife we're talking about, dammit. I want partnered in on that case.

     As a test, Emily tells me to sleep in my bed. Sure enough, I wake up screaming. It's always a little better if Emily can sleep in here with me. Hey, it's still progress.

      Emily and Alex pay for another bathroom to be added to the house, attached to the master bedroom. I'm grateful...for everything they do for me. I'm on indefinite leave, but it's unpaid.
     The kids are excited because Emily and Alex said they were going to help them redecorate their bedrooms after the twins age up.

     That day arrives. We don't have a party. No crowds in this house, please.
     I feel like Claire is here in spirit.
     Chloe first.

      Then my sensitive little Charlotte.

     I get back to work. Before I go and talk to the chief about it, I take Finn aside and tell him what I want. I can't read his expression at first.
     He looks at me...and he looks concerned. "Ethan, man, I don't think that's the best idea."
     "Are you nuts? This is my wife here. I wanna catch that bastard."
     "I can't imagine what you're going through, but I don't think you can handle this."
     "What?!" My friend and colleague...I want to punch him in the face.
     I storm out of the room, ready to go over his head. Surely, the chief knows how I'd want this case.

      But the chief agrees with Finn.

      Who do they think they are anyway? Their wives weren't murdered with the killer STILL on the loose.
      My phone rings. I don't recognize the number. It's probably someone trying to sell me something.
      "What?" I bark into the phone.
      "Ethan Taylor?"
      "Yes. Whaddaya want?" Go ahead and try to sell me something, mister. I'll bite your damn head off.
      "I know the man you seek, and I have information on his whereabouts that I think you'll find enlightening."