Lemming 15: The Talk

Mitchell

     I'm thoroughly enjoying life as a married man. Katherine and I waited until our wedding night, and she was definitely worth the wait!

     "Heya, kiddo," I say to Jenny when I find her outside doing her homework.
     "Hey, Dad," she replies patiently.
     She doesn't really like it when I talk with her while she's working on her homework, but there's been something that's started to bug me.
     "So, you have a date with Hugo on Friday?" I ask in a leading way.

     "Nothing gets past you," she says with the smallest trace of sarcasm and closes her homework. "What's up?"

     I quickly plaster a grin on my face, wondering how I'm going to do this. "Hugo's a nice boy, isn't he?"
     "I guess so, when he's not getting on my nerves," she replies and puts her hands in her lap.
     "Oh? He gets on your nerves? What does he do?" I ask, again working at leading the conversation the way I think I want it to go. What has he been doing to her? Do he and I need to have a chat as to what he can and can't do to my daughter?!
     "Nothing, really," she answers, and my sudden temper considers cooling off. "Sometimes he acts full of himself, and I get tired of it."
     "Oh," I say and plaster on the smile once more. "Well, I want to talk to you about...something."
     I wish I didn't really have to do this. I wish I could trust Monique to do it right. If only Jenny and Katherine were closer, she might be able to, but it needs to be me.
     "What?" Jenny predictably asks.
     "Well, I was once a teenage boy Hugo's age."

     "Really, Dad? I thought you just sprang into existence at the start up of the game," she replies cheekily.
     "You know what I mean," I say, and she laughs. "What I'm trying to say is he might try to do things to you that he shouldn't do, that you shouldn't have to let him if you don't want to, and I have to say that I don't want you to want him to."

    "Dad, what are you talking about?" she asks in a confused way. "What 'things'?"
    "Uh..." I stall.
    Recently, Katherine made me sit through a movie of a Jane Austin novel, and for some reason, a term pops into my head.
     I continue, "I mean like untoward advances."
     "Do what?" she asks and starts laughing.
     "Fine," I tell her with playful exasperation. "Heavy-duty flirting, if you will." After a pause, I continue, "And wanting to go past just flirting."

     "Seriously, Daddy? Are you trying to have 'the talk' with me?" she asks, and I close my eyes. This is not how I wanted this to go. I only wanted to let her know.
     I sigh. "Jenny, I just want to ask that you wait on anything past making out." Then, I say in a quieter undertone, "And I'm not too happy about the making out part either." I continue in a regular voice. "I don't want you to feel like you have to rush ahead. Enjoy being a teen for as long as you can because once that's gone, it doesn't come back."
    "Dad, he hasn't even really kissed me yet. Geez!"
    I quickly finish my dinner and stand up to go back into the house.

    "Well, also, don't be afraid to come to me if something's bothering you." I realize I'm embarrassing her, but I know I needed to say it.

    " 'Kay, Dad. Whatever," she groans.

    The next morning, Jenny and Katherine eat breakfast together. On my way to the shower, I inwardly chuckle at the sound of Jenny telling my wife some crazy story she obviously made up.

    Later in the day, I get one of the biggest shocks of my life.

    I quickly cross the street. "Monique, you're...pregnant?" Please be pregnant and tell me I didn't just screw up. Women get so sensitive about that.
    "How can you tell?" she asks playfully and rubs her belly.

    Then, she goes on to tell me how thrilled Blaze was when she told him.

     "Unlike some people who don't want anything to do with me anymore, Blaze is ecstatically happy that he's going to become a father," she finishes in her typical Monique way.
     I take the bait this time. "I was happy to become a father, Monique."
     She tosses her head back and lets out a flat laugh. "Ha! You were just shocked that you had to be saddled with some woman you didn't love. Guess you got out of that. Blaze doesn't want to get out of raising his child."

     I do my best to not roll my eyes. Then, I fight fire with fire. "So, are you going to actually marry him?"
     "I knew it! You still wish we'd gotten married! Well, it's too late now, isn't it?" she says triumphantly.
     "Do I 'still'? No. But I did when I asked you, and now, I'm so glad you said no."
     What's happening to me?! The sight of Monique pregnant with another man's child makes me furious! For the longest time in my young adult life, I wanted to marry her. Even as just my girlfriend, I was so happy to call her mine, crazy and all. I hate how she's implying that that could be my child growing inside her had I not thrown her out of my life.
     This doesn't mean I don't love Katherine more than her. Katherine is my soulmate. I've never been so happy. So why does it hurt so much to see Monique pregnant again?

     "Well," she smacks, "how good for you then that you're enjoying my replacement so much."
     This is absurd! I should hate the woman standing before me after everything she's done to me. That, or I shouldn't feel anything. But...I do feel something.
     Anger!
     She's bringing another child into the world, another poor child to have a mother like her. I'm furious at her for doing that.

    I force a laugh. "Your 'replacement'? Not even close. You were just a placeholder for the real thing. Katherine brings joy into my life like you never could...or would."
    She turns her head away like I'd just slapped her, and the look on her face makes me want to slap myself for being a monster.
    "Monique, I-" I start to apologize, but she interrupts me.
    "Shut up," she whines. "All of you, just shut up."
    Suddenly, I hear J's voice. "Aloha!"

     I walk over to him, and as I give him a bro hug, he asks, "What are you doing? I thought you were done with Madam Crazy."
     "I'm losing it, bro," I reply. "Code red."
     Sometimes, I really miss living with J, Zoe, and Gavin. Life was so simple then.

     J immediately starts filling me in on his career, also telling me his son has grown to teen. I can't believe how much time has passed since we've really had a chance to talk.
    Monique throws in little comments now and then, not wanting to be ignored.

    We mostly ignore her. That, unfortunately, doesn't slow her down.
    J looks at her blandly and asks, "Ever feel like the third wheel in a conversation?"

     Monique gives him a sultry look. "That depends on what you mean by 'third.' Any ideas there, J? I'm not against putting on a show for you if Zoe's okay with it. I should have the baby soon, and maybe then we can talk."
     I'm reminded that she went after J before me, and that helps me tremendously. It's exactly the thing I need.

   J starts snickering and laughing so much that he can't reply. All he can get out are several "as if"s.
   "I think that's a 'no,' Monique," I let her know. Then, I turn to J and tell him I'll see him later. I go back home.

     Later, he tells me that he really gave to Monique, letting her know exactly what he thought of her. I wish I'd been there to hear what he'd said.

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J and Zoe's son, Adam: