Lemming 7: I'll Be Alright Without You

     For weeks, I frequently wake up in tears. I miss her. I miss her crazy ways more than I ever thought I would.
     She's moved in with Blaze, and she's sure to tell me, in front of the kids, how he appreciates her and loves having her around. She visits the kids on the weekends, and each time, I have to wait a few hours for Jenny to like me again. Monique fills her head with bad things about me that I have to disprove to my daughter. I want so badly to talk badly about Monique to the kids since she does the same about me, but I don't want to stoop to that level. Hopefully one day, they'll learn that their mother is full of crap when it comes to talking about me. I don't want them to have any memories of me saying horrible things about their mother.
     But...and I never willingly admit this to myself...I also don't say bad things about her because I still love her, even if I know she's bad for me. I miss her so much! It rips my heart to shreds knowing that Blaze is the one to hold her at night, to kiss her in the morning, and to listen to her hair-brained ideas. I miss her hair-brained ideas, all her crazy quirks. She made life interesting.

     My work suffers. No one pays attention to me. I don't even get heckled anymore. I get ignored, and the owner of the joint is probably starting to wonder if he should get someone new in my time slot.

     Luckily, Justin never believes his mother. In fact, he goes out of his way one evening to tell me how although he loves her, he knows she's nuts and never takes anything she says seriously. This lifts my spirits a touch.

     He also tells me how he likes that "uncle" Gavin is dating Makayla.
     "Are you going to date anybody now, Dad?" he asks, and it catches me off guard.
     "I...er...uh...maybe," I answer and go fix something for dinner.

     Again, I dream about Monique. She's laughing at me, laughing at how she doesn't miss me one bit and how happy she is to be with Blaze, who wants her.
     I wake up to hearing myself tearfully say, "But I do want you. You're no good for me though. No good. But..." Then I realize I woke up.

     I have the day off today, but I still have to get up and fix breakfast for my adorable twins.

     Yes, why don't you try to start dating again, Mitchell? It might help, especially if you find the right woman.
     The kids go to school, and I head out at about lunchtime.

    I get to the local watering hole, and the place is dead. I guess that makes sense. Most people work this time of the day.
    After about an hour of extremely-boring daytime television, a blonde walks into the bar (no, that's not the start of a joke) followed by a redhead. The blonde is familiar. I've seen her around, and the redhead looks young.

     Really young.
     "Did school let out early?" I ask her, hoping she doesn't get too offended. What if she's older than she looks?
     "I'm cutting class if you must know," she answers me and puts her hand on her hip. I'm surprised she'd admit it instead of try to play it off like she's not in high school.
     The blonde, whose name I learn is Summer, laughs and tells her that she wishes she were that brave in high school.

     I decide to ignore it and try out a few of my new jokes. The teen isn't as impressed by them as much as Summer is.
     Personally, I think this should be an adult-only place, but they let in youngsters. To get away from her, I ask Summer if I can buy her a drink, and we escape to the bar.

     We sit and chat for a while. I quickly realize Summer can be impressed by the slightest things, and I have to wonder about her sincerity. I don't think many lights are on upstairs, but I worry that I'm unfairly placing a stereotype on her.
     Then, she tells me something that definitely catches my attention. "...this girl with black hair but with it also dyed different colors in places suddenly comes over and she's all over him. I couldn't believe he'd actually sleep with her after barely knowing her! I thought... Well, I thought he was into me."
     Sounds more like he was "into" her, my joke mind comes up with automatically. My more serious side knows who she's talking about. Monique. So, recently, Monique slept with this girl's crush. She definitely cheated on me there. A righteous sense of well-being fills me knowing that I did the right thing in breaking it off with her. I may always love her at least a little bit, but now I know for sure that I need to keep as far away from her as I possibly can.
     Summer continues, "And now, I don't know what to think because I get the feeling like he's trying to win me over again but doesn't know how because of what happened. I don't know what to do." Her eyes ask me for advice.
     How should I know? I tell her to give him another chance. She actually looks surprised I'd say this.
     "You're sweet. Most guys would tell me to drop his sorry butt and go for them instead," she tells me with an honest expression.
     Great. I'm "sweet" again. Yeah, that's me. Sweet Mitchell. Summer gets up to leave without having drank a single sip of the drink I bought for her and thanks me for my advice.
    "Don't mention it," I say and pick up her abandoned beverage. It was a boring conversation anyway. Monique would never bore me.
     Aw, Mitchell! Don't start up again!

     The next day at work, he shows up: Blaze.
     "What the hell are you doing here?" I snap when I see him.
     "Hey man, I'm just here to have a drink. Monique's with the kids, as you know, and I'm giving them their space," he answers with his hands going up into a surrender gesture.
     Yeah, giving them their space because Justin hates you!
     "Why here?" I growl.
     "What? I'm not 'allowed' to eat here?" he asks with a sarcastic undertone.
     My blood starts boiling. Right here in front of me is the man that has Monique. He's part of the problem as to why I can't let myself have her. I miss her, and she's with him. I hate him!

    He walks around the bar, and I grab a slushie from that magical place where everything goes and throw it into his face. When I'm finished, he looks...pissed (and I don't mean drunk)... and dangerous. He calls me a few choice names and jumps me.

    I swear the dude is solid muscle, even for an elder.

     Still, I know how to throw my weight around, and I give him a good fight. It feels amazingly good to work out some of my pent-up anger at this man.

     In the end, though, he wins.

     Then he starts spouting some junk about where I've screwed up in life. I don't listen. I don't want to hear advice from him of all people.
     I have a great run tonight in my routine by picking fun at him until he gets fed up and leaves.

     Happily, J shows up. I'm glad to see him, and I tell him so once I get to leave the mic.
     "Hey, Aloha. I heard you finally broke up with Madame Crazy," he tells me, and we discuss Monique for a minute.

     "You're better off without her," he finishes.
     I'll Be Alright Without You by Journey starts playing over the stereo, and I have to laugh.
    "You know what?" I ask him. "Maybe you're right."

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let me just do this:
"alright" is technically wrong. It's supposed to be "all right." There. :)