Chain Reaction 3.1.36: Harpy

     "I hate you!" she yells again.
     "What? Ivy, come out." I hate these mood swings. Does she have any idea how much she hurts me when she gets like this?
     "Fine!" She comes out from under the covers and sits on the bed, but the tirade doesn't end there.

     "This is all your fault! You and your crazy, hyperactive sex drive!"
     Whoa! I'd thought that whole 'this is all your fault' thing was supposed to happen at the delivery.
      I take a deep breath and tell myself to be patient. "Ivy, what's wrong? What did I do?"
      She bursts into tears, and I have a seat on the bed next to her.

     "Talk to me." I go to hug her, but she bats me away.
     "Don't touch me!"
     "What's going on?"
     "I... I... We... I lost the baby, Mike. I had a miscarriage." She lets out another sob.
     "What?" I gasp out. "Oh, no. Ivy..." I reach for her again, but she practically bites me.
     "I said don't touch me!"
     "I'm just trying to comfort you!"

     "I don't need your comfort. I don't need anything."
     What has happened to my fiancée? It's like she's lost her mind or is possessed. "You don't mean that. You're just upset."
     "Oh you can bet your balls I'm upset. This is all. your. fault."
     "What?!"
     "It was too much activity! You were too rough!"
     "Ivy, don't be ridiculous."
     "I'm NOT BEING RIDICULOUS!"

     Yeesh. "Okay. But talk to me in a way that doesn't involve yelling, please."
     "You know, you are not the wonderful person I thought you were. I was nothing but blind and hopeful and stupid."
     "What? Why would you say you were blind and all that?"
     She doesn't answer my question--instead continuing with her rant.

     "But boy, am I ever glad I wasn't stupid enough to actually marry you!"
     She is hurting me! "Ivy, this isn't you. Come on. You're just upset. You think I'm not sad you lost the baby?" I wish she would stop her tantrum and let me comfort her. I haven't even had a chance to be sad the pregnancy ended. She's not giving me a chance.
     She stands up.

     "I didn't lose the baby. You did."
     "Ivy, that's not fair! It's just something that happens! It's nobody's fault!"
     "Wrong. It's yours, and I'm leaving you." She watches me triumphantly as I gasp in shock.
     "What?"
     She smirks and turns around to leave.
     "Ivy!" She walks out of the bedroom. I get up. "Ivy!" I follow her.

     "Stop."
     She does--but only so she can smirk at me again. "I'm going to Willow Creek to my mother's. Don't come after me. Don't call me. We're through."
     I can't help but notice the difference between the woman in front of me and the picture I took that day on the island. Something inside her has snapped. "Not yet, we're not."

     "It's not my fault. It's not your fault. It's no one's fault! These things happen. I'm so sorry it happened to us, but you can't just walk out on me." Crap. The look in her eyes tells me she just took that as a challenge.
     "Oh yes I can. Watch me."
     I quickly change tactics, shocking her when I get on my knees.

     "Please don't leave me." In my mind, I'm talking to the girl in the picture, the real Ivy, not this crazy harpy that's taken control of her right now.
     "Mike, don't do this."
     Now that's Ivy. "I love you, and I know you don't mean the awful things you've said. You're hurting, and so am I. I'm so sad we lost the baby. Please don't let this tragedy tear us apart."
     "Stop. You're just making this harder."
     "No, I'm not going to stop." I stand up, not letting go of her.

     I move to kiss her lips, but she turns her head. So I kiss her shoulder. "Please, Ivy. Just stay. We can get through this together. That's what couples are supposed to do. We need to help each other get through this." Oh plum! The baby really is gone! I feel tears coming. I was really starting to look forward to being a dad.
     It can still happen!
     "I don't know if we can get through this, Michael. It just hurts too much."
     "I know. I wish I could take that pain away. Let me try. This doesn't have to be the end. We can keep moving forward like we were. Let's get married. Let's have babies. These things, sadly, sometimes happen, but it doesn't mean we can't try again." My hands start moving around on her in what I hope is a soothing way.
      "I don't know if I'm ready for any of it anyway. It was your rampant sex drive that got us where we were to begin with."

     "If you're not ready, that's fine. Just stay." My hand rests just under her breast. I can't let her leave! I need her! Noticing she's at least paused in her determination to walk out, I change gears just slightly. "How can I live without you, Ivy?" My hand moves up, and her breathing changes.
      "Mike..."
      "There can be more babies. We have tons of time. We can have that time. It's our time."
      She tries to turn away from my hand, but I won't let go of her.

     "It's our time to get closer, to help each other heal. Please let me help you. I need you, Ivy."
     She suddenly jerks away from me.

     "I can't believe I almost fell for that again!"
     "What?"
     "You're a disgusting, oversexed pervert. So what, now that I'm no longer pregnant you think that gives you free rein to woohoo me any damn time you want again?"

     "What? No. No, that's not what I meant!"
     "Save your tears, Michael. 'I need you, Ivy'?"
     "I didn't mean it like that."
     "Yeah right you didn't mean it like that--as you were fondling my breast."
     "I wasn't! I was just..." I don't know how to explain myself.
     "You're a freak, and I can't take it anymore. Goodbye, Mike."
     Her words hurt me more than anything. It's bad enough I call myself a freak, but to hear her say it is like I've been impaled and hung out to dry.
     I fall to my knees and start crying. I meant I need her in my life.

     She opens the door; the sound of her heels hitting the tiles reaches me; and then the door closes.

     What do I do? Do I run after her?
     I sob into my hand. Even she thinks I'm freak.