Chain Reaction 3.26: Out-of-body Experience

Chloe

     I had a hard time getting to sleep last night. I was too happy to sleep. So, I'm glad that Tommy asked me to meet him at the coffeehouse. I need coffee.

     After arriving early, I sit down with my cup.

      I wonder when he's going to get here.

      This is good coffee. Strong, though, but I need it that way today. I look down into my cup.

      "Chloe," I hear very close in front of me. It's said in a kind of plain way like someone is trying to get my attention but not stressed about it.

      I look up and see Tommy. "Hey! How long have you been standing there?"

      "I don't know. A full minute? That must be some really good coffee."

      He's been standing there watching me for a full minute and I didn't notice?! I smile even though I'm freaking out internally. "Why don't you go and get you some?" And give me a minute to recover. Why does Tommy have to look so hot?

      He smiles that boyish charm smile of his and slides into the seat in front of me. "Nah. I'm too hyped up for coffee."

     I do a kind of nervous laugh that would make me look at a person strangely if I heard him or her doing it. But I'm doing it. He's hyped up. Is he hyped up for the same reason I'm hyped up? Maybe half this hype is from the coffee.
     No. It's because he's smiling at me. He knows why I just did that nervous laugh. I'd bet he did that whole 'hyped up' speech to see how I'd react. I guess he likes how I reacted. I blush. Dammit.
     "Wow," he says softly.
     I blush harder--if that's even possible. "What?"

     "You are incredibly beautiful, especially right now."
      I quickly pick up my coffee cup and move it to slightly hide my face. I like that he just said that, but he's making me extremely nervous here!
      And then there's that nagging, ever-present doubt in my mind that reminds me that if he thinks I'm beautiful that he thinks Charlotte is beautiful too. Will I ever stop worrying about that? It's not fair. I like Tommy the most, yet he first picks Charlotte. I look so much like her. I don't want to be the surrogate Charlotte.
     He speaks again since I've been quiet. "And thank you for not trying to shoot down what I just said."
     At last, I think of something to say. "Well, um, I'm glad you think so." I peep up at him over the rim of my mug to see him smiling.

     Then he starts up a tale about something that happened in his calculus class. I don't take calc. It's our senior year, so I got to choose what I wanted. I chose another art class: photography. We're learning how to develop actual film, you know--in case the world ever goes back to that. Some photography diehards swear by it, but I'm happy with my DSLR. As long as I have an awesome lens, I'm fine being only digital.
     Tommy brings me back to the current moment when he suddenly chuckles, probably seeing the glazed-over look I just got. "Sorry for going off on a tangent there." He laughs. I smile. "Get it?"
     I vaguely remember that 'tangent' is a math term. "Yeah." I laugh politely. "Sorry. I started thinking about class, which made me think about photography."
     "Oh! And that reminds me of something." He stands up, gets my empty mug, takes it to the counter, and comes back with his phone out. Then he tells me we should take a pic.
     "You'd better send this to me," I tell him.

     (This is what it looks like after he sent it to me and I applied a few, quick filters in Photoshop.)

    After he finishes sending me the pic, he turns to me and looks like he has something he wants to say.
    "What is it?" I ask after waiting about ten seconds and getting nothing but him staring at me. He's making me nervous again.

     He takes a breath. "So, about what happened yesterday..." His voice trails off.
     "Yeah?" Please oh please don't say it was a mistake.

      "Before you left, you said you had to wrap your head around what happened yesterday." He pauses, acting like he expects me to say something.
      "Uh huh," I agree, not knowing what he's wanting.
      "Well, did you?"
      "Yes," I answer simply, but he doesn't look satisfied with that answer.
      "And?"
      "And what?" I'm still not sure what he's asking.
      "And did you determine whether or not it was a mistake?"
      "It was a mistake that I wanted to happen." I feel like I'm not inside my own body, like I'm watching this standing next to myself. "Does that make sense? Tommy, I like you. I always have, but I want... I just need to know if..." How do I say this?


     "Chloe, it took me way too long to realize that I kept wanting Charlotte to be who you are, so if that's what you're worried about, don't be. I kept trying to make her into someone she wasn't. Then, since she and I broke up and you and I became friends, I realized how blind I was."
     I don't know what to say! This is so much more real than anything I've ever experienced before. I half wonder if I've lost my mind and fabricated a fantasy into some version of reality.
     Luckily for me, though, Tommy is very direct. "I'm trying to say that this is more than just 'like' for me."
     Breathe. "Me too," I say incredibly quietly. "I was just too afraid to say it like that."
     He stands straighter, and his face slowly lights up. I keep having that out-of-body experience thing going on.

      He takes my hands. "I think we have something here. Can we make this official?"
      Did he just-? I beam at him now. "Yes!" I probably say it too excitedly.
      His arms throw themselves around me.

      Tommy is my boyfriend! My boyfriend! My! Boyfriend!
      He sighs and holds me tighter. I'd kiss him, but there are people in here with us.

      "Thank you," he breathes into my hair.