He smiles back sadly. "Michael. Have you put a tracking device on me?"
I grin. "No, but thanks for the idea." I'm teasing. "Seriously, though. I've been here all night."
His brows come together. "Really? I've been here probably twenty minutes."
Whoops. Do I lie? "Can't a dude just stand hidden and watch your smexy ass dance?"
He purses his lips. "I don't know what you were doing, but you weren't watching me."
I laugh like it's a joke. He decides not to ask me again.
Butterflies start up kickboxing lessons in my stomach. Darrin still gives me butterflies. I grin. "Yeah me too."
"Of course you are."
"But not as bad as last time." I'm truly alive again with the way he looks at me.
Damn, Michael. Just how many men ARE you going to run through tonight? I'm such a slut, but this is DARRIN. It's more than physical. Guilt starts knocking on the door, but I don't let it in. Instead, I think back to the last time I saw Darrin drunk.
"No."
"Why?"
"Because."
"Because why?"
"Because..." He closes his eyes and sighs.
"Because it had a bad ending."
"Ohhhhhh." I pretend to understand. If I could think clearly, I might be able to figure it out, so I store this info for later. "That bad, huh?" I take a tiny step closer. This is so much fun... even if things are so much more serious with Darrin. Closer. Our noses are almost touching, but I don't think he realizes how close I am. "What happened before the bad ending?" I grin.
His eyes fly open, shocked I'd gotten nose-to-nose with him. "Michael!"
"Maybe I should be the one who needs to be careful. You're dangerous like this."
"Aw, c'mon. I'm not that bad." Yes, yes I am. I'm on some kind of crazy kick tonight. I'll probably hate myself tomorrow. But that's future Mike's problem.
"It was bad because you were still with Ivy."
My smile drops for two seconds. Don't mention that crazy b*tch. I smile again. "Well then, the ending shouldn't be 'bad' anymore, should it?" Just kiss me, dammit.
"Uh huh." I rapidly nod my head before I have to stop and hold it to make the room stop swaying.
"You're not going to go all crazy mad and yelling and threatening restraining orders on me."
"Uh uh." I shake my head fast before I realize I didn't learn my lesson the first time. Everything I drank earlier is still very much in me.
"C'mon." He grabs my hand starts leading me to the stairs. Yay!
We sit down, and he slaps his hand down on his thigh. So I slap my hand on it playfully. He purses his lips and slaps my hand with his other one. So I do the same. Then he brings his hand out from the bottom and slaps our stack of hands. I do the same. And we continue like this until I'm ready to crack up laughing. Until he squeezes my hand, stopping me.
I watch him swallow before he opens his mouth to speak. "I..." He cuts himself off.
I'm suddenly very ashamed of my behavior earlier, but I do my best to hide it.
He takes a steadying breath. He acts like he wants to REALLY talk, and I wonder if it's because he's drunk. That always makes him braver... or stupider, but I'll go for brave right now.
Through everything, I've kept this in my mind, sometimes hearing it in my dreams. "You said, 'Michael don't hate me' and 'I don't care what you did' and... 'I love you beyond all sense or reason.'" And in my best fantasies, when I let myself have them, I treat those words like he meant them.
He closes his eyes in a kind of 'oh f--k' way, and he shakes for a moment. He takes a breath. I start wondering if his reaction has more to do with him knowing I know he said the last thing in that list, the 'I love you beyond all sense or reason,' even though I also know it might not be true. Then when his eyes open, it's like being hit by a tidal wave. It's too much for me in my current state, and I close my eyes. Oh plum, is it more than fantasy?
I have to fight to keep from crying. I can't hide it; I know he can tell. He doesn't do or say anything, letting me work through my emotions. Darrin went out on a very flimsy limb just now, and I know that it might be because he's drunk. I know from experience that I can't trust that this will still be outwardly displayed come the morning, but I KNOW. He still loves me. After all this time.
Finally able to breathe normally again, I ask, "So what was the context you said it in?" I open my eyes and see he's dying to kiss me. Please do.
He leans in, but he passes my lips to speak into my ear.
Neither of us can stand it anymore.
I may not have to fight hard, though.
Darrin pulls back before anything can escalate farther. I say let it... but I can see his point. Nothing about it would be casual.
I smile. "I like drunk Darrin." Then a memory slams into me. "But that time, when you were drunk..."
"I know."
"Darrin, I have to know. Don't use me again."
"I'm so sorry. I did that without working through things, and when I realized what I'd done, how I'd just keep hurting you, I knew I had to sever all contact with you. And I had to make it look good. Well, bad. Believable." He smiles in a guilty way.
I think of something else I'd wondered about. "Did you really hate me? That was you, right? The night of the livestream? SuperCop45?"
"The chat got rather perverted after that, and that's really saying something."
"Did you love her?" He almost looks like he'll accept whatever answer I give.
"Yes, but... differently. I can't explain it. It's hard to think clearly."
"I know what you mean." He takes a breath. "Mike, you said you have to know. You want to know if I'm serious. Yes. Come back to me, Michael. I'd like to start again."
Whee! I crash into him, kissing him senseless, lying on top of him on the sofa. Oh, Darrin! He moans and holds my head to him, slanting his mouth against mine and kissing me back like tomorrow won't happen. I start going for his pants, and he stops me.
"Wait."
"Why?"
He's panting, clearly fully turned on. "There's something..." He puts his hand on his forehead. I start kissing his jaw. "Mike, we have to... figure ourselves out. Something like that. Clear the air to make a clean slate. I don't want it starting like this."
Plum. He makes a good point. Even if I wanna f--k his brains out. "And we can't do that drunk."
He takes a relieved breath. "Right."
"Then let's go get some air. It's cold outside; maybe it'll clear our heads."
"Okay. I've... got to go to the men's room first. I really had too much to drink."
"Okay. I'll meet you out there." I walk downstairs and out the back exit. Darrin is right. We need to clear our heads.
I smile as brightly as the midsummer sun. It'd started snowing while I'd been inside. First snow of the season. Too bad the ice beneath my shoes doesn't match my buoyant mood. An arm reaches out to catch me.
I look at him. "Yeah. Thanks."
"I was wondering when you'd finally leave."
I don't get to ask anything else before his other hand stabs a syringe in my stomach. I gasp.
"Nighty night now."
"What?! Oh hell no!" I jab his ribs as hard as I can with my elbow. He folds in half, and I make a run for it.
Then I slip! I stumble over the small tree. It's not the ice that made me fall. I'm running in snow--not as slippery.
It's because my legs won't work. I can't get them to move--like they've gone to sleep.
A firework gets shot up into the air.
A motorboat pulls up to the edge of the water. "That him?" one of the men asks.
"Yeah. Just give him a minute. He's a big guy," the man behind me replies.
Oh f--k no. Darrin! I fight with everything I have, but the edges of my vision go black. I speak to myself, "No, Michael." I can't stop it! I'm shaking from the effort. I can't feel my arms now.
Then I'm gone.
Drake found him...... dang it. I hope maybe Darrin figures it out and comes for him. Mike! 😭😭😭😭
ReplyDelete:/ Finding him wasn't the hard part, but it looks that way. And just when things were getting good with Darrin again. Hopefully, Darrin can get to him in time. :(
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