Chain Reaction 1.11: Little Schoolgirl

     I go back to my sister's, walk into my room, and crawl under my covers before I start sobbing. Nyla isn't home right now, but I still don't want to be anywhere else in the house. I miss my sleeping bag.
     I didn't even KNOW him a week ago, so why does it feel like my heart has shattered into a thousand pieces?

      Nyla knocks on the door after a few hours. I didn't hear her come home. "Brielle, dinner's ready."
      "I'm not hungry!" I cry back from under the blankets. The little bit of hamburger--that Graham fixed--still sits like a lump in my stomach. I start crying when I think that the last thing I ate was something he fixed for me, something he fixed while probably praying I had a younger sister.
      I hurt him so badly. I'm a monster. Different parts of our conversation torture me as they run through my head. "You should've said it anyway," he said. Yes, I should have.
      'But you have all these "good memories" don't you, Brielle?' my inner voice taunts. I cry more.
      Nyla walks in and tries to get me to talk to her, but I scream at her to get out. I spend Sunday in my room, my stomach gnawing at my insides. The next morning, I skip school. In the middle of the day, I sneak into the kitchen. I don't understand why I feel like I'm sneaking when Nyla is still at work, but I do. I get some chips and a drink and take them back to my room. That's all I eat the entire day. The next day, I skip school again.
     Wednesday, however, I wake up and decide to mentally tell Graham where he can shove it, get up, fix myself up like the little schoolgirl that I am, and go eat some breakfast. I'm going to school today.

      I find Nyla finishing up a leftover BLT, so I go and get one of my own from the fridge.
      "I'm sorry. I would've actually fixed something if I'd known you were going to come out of your room," she tells me. "You look nice."
      "Thank you," I say simply. Yes. I look nice on the off-chance I see Graham somehow. I want him to see me and ... and ... and feel awful. I want to think 'eat his words,' but I can't figure out how that phrase would work here.
       My hand shakes as I force down my cold, stale sandwich.

       Grayson hugs me when he sees me at school, and he tells me he's missed me these past few days. I remember now that he'd asked me out last Friday. I decide to invite him over to my sister's house tonight. He happily accepts.

    Things get awkward and weird. Grayson keeps staring at me, and...I hadn't noticed before how much he's grown up in just a few months. Also, for some reason, he acts like he's in a really bad mood. He doesn't hang around long before deciding to leave, saying he'll see me at school tomorrow.

     Nyla comes home with a guy. They walk in the door with her giggling like, well, a schoolgirl. She introduces him as Fred Osborne, and she says they met when he was her patient. My eyebrow raises when I think of the ethics of the whole situation, but then I remember that I have no room to talk.

      They go get in the hot tub, and I really wish now that I didn't have this window-wall right in front of the hot tub. I roll over on my other side in order to keep from seeing what they're up to. I wish I had a set of earplugs.
       FINALLY, they get out of the hot tub, and I hear them heading off to her room.

       After about an hour and a half, I'm still awake and playing a game on my new phone, texting back and forth with Sade as I do. All of a sudden, that Fred guy lets himself into my room!

      I quickly sit up from my reclined position while he walks around to stand in front of me.
      "Hey. Sorry to intrude like this, but I wanted to let you know that I asked your sister out after I checked out of the hospital." He's wearing his pajamas. "Nyla's asleep, so I thought I'd take a minute to come and explain that."
       How were you to know that I wasn't already in my pj's and asleep? I question loudly in my head, and I suppress a shudder, forcing myself not to go down that path with my thoughts. It doesn't work as well as I'd hoped. What if what he just told me was a lame excuse to say in case he found me awake? My stomach balls up into a knot when I think about what he could've tried had he found me asleep.

       "Um...Okay," I say and shrug. "I wasn't going to judge you. If my sister's happy, then that's great." I scream at him in my head to get out of my room.

      He sits. down. on. my. bed. next. to. me. I discreetly get out my phone and turn on the voice memo thing just in case.
      "Thanks. That's a relief." He pauses. "So, you're in high school?"
      Stupid question to ask. It's like he's just trying to find something to talk about. "Yes..." I leave the word hanging like I'm expressing my earlier thought.

     He gets my tone. "Sorry. Dumb question. I was just going to tell you that Nyla kept talking about how happy she is that you're living with her. I think it's really great that she's doing this for you."
      I don't hide my glare. How much did she tell him? "Doing what exactly?"
      He swallows. "Well, she told me you two have a pretty nasty dad and that she's providing you a safe haven so you don't have to live in that as much as she did. She said he was abusive and that she only stayed there for you before she couldn't take it anymore. She's happy to give you a different home."
      My glare never leaves my face. I don't want this guy to know all this stuff about me. At least, I assume, she didn't tell him how I'd run away. "Yes. I'm grateful. Now, excuse me, but I'd like to go to sleep now."
     "Okay. 'Nite." He smiles a bit before getting up and leaving my room.
     I quickly make my way to the door and lock it.