Lemming 12: Finding A Laugh

A/N: This chapter overlaps the past few. I did my best to put in clues where the chapter is in the timeline.
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 Jenny Keilani

     Sometimes, I wonder where my twin brother's mind goes. I try to talk to him, and he stares off into space. Oh well, I still love him.

     I secretly put into his head that he needs to go over and meet the new girl that moved into the house next to Emmett, the new guy. I heard Emmett telling someone else his name. I paid attention. He has a nice voice. I couldn't talk to him right at that second because I want him meeting me to stand out in his mind. That wouldn't have happened if I jumped in and introduced myself while he was talking with what's-her-face at school.

      I practice introducing myself to Emmett on the lampshade. Justin walks in and laughs at me, and that's not fair. I was just practicing! I'm sure if the lampshade could talk, it'd defend me.

     I go to his house and introduce myself just like I'd planned, bringing the cookies like Justin decided, which was a good idea. Emmett doesn't act as impressed as I'd hoped he would, and I wind up talking more to his parents than him.
     Also, the lamp in their house gives off a green light, making them all look like aliens. What if they are aliens? No. No, Emmett's too cute for that.
     Being a little weirded out by the green light alien people and bummed that Emmett hardly speaks to me, I leave earlier than I intended. Hurt. He didn't care. He hardly noticed I was there. He was too into the book in his hand. Yeah, I think it was our homework, but he had a visitor! He could've at least asked me if I wanted to do homework together!
     At school the next day, he brushes me off again, coming up with some lame excuse to get away. Something like needing to go to the bathroom. Yeah, that's it. So, I wait outside the boy's room, and he doesn't come out by the time the next class period starts.
     He keeps avoiding me, and it slowly gets more and more on my nerves.
     Justin looks so happy lately. I can't stand being around him much. We still goof around, and he tries to get me in a good mood, but it rarely works.

    At school, our friends try to perk me up. They're not the ones I want to perk me up. I wish Emmett would at least tell me why he's ignoring me.

      I'm still pouting on Thursday when Justin attacks me before we get started on our homework.
      "Are you going to tell me what's bothering you?" he snaps out.
      "I don't think Emmett likes me," I say in a small voice.
      "Have you told him you like him?" he asks and then gets that super-thoughtful look on his face.
      "I don't ever get a chance."
      He tells me to invite him over tomorrow. I give him a 'yeah, right' look.
      It works! Emmett comes over on Friday afternoon. Justin quickly greets him on his way out the door. He has a date with the new girl.

      "You said you needed help with our chemistry assignment due Monday?" he asks sweetly. He's so sweet. I knew he would be. That's why I like him. He came over this evening just to help me. I don't need help with the assignment, not really. I'll probably get a C, which is fine with me. I just used that excuse to get him over here. I mean, I couldn't exactly tell him that I'm inviting him over to somehow get him alone so I can tell him how I like him.

      I laugh nervously.
      "Oh yeah. The chemistry assignment. You know, it somehow slipped my mind. I'd forgotten all about that until you said something," I say with a continued laugh.
      "That's why I'm here, right?" he asks, now sounding unsure of himself.
      "Sure. That's fine. You can help me with that. I'll probably just get a C."

     "Well, that's not a very positive attitude about it," he says, reprimanding me.
     "I don't mind a C. 'S better than an F."
     "True... Well, at least let me see what you have so far."
     Shut up about the stupid assignment! "Hang on. That's not the only reason I asked you over here."
      He looks at me, asking me with his sweet eyes what else it is that I need.
      Here goes. Don't blow this! "Do you have a girlfriend?" I ask outright.
      His eyes do something funny-looking as he keeps blinking. "Noooo," he answers slowly. "Nor do I really want one at this point in my life."
      "Oh," I say, deflated. "Why not?"
      "I'm focusing on my studies right now. I can't afford to get distracted," he says gently.

     "Well, what if the girl really liked you and promised to do her best to keep from being too much of a distraction?" My heart sinks.
     "I'm not...interested,...Jenny," he says carefully.
     I'm transparent. He easily guessed what I'm really saying. He's saying he's not interested in me. Me specifically, and he was using the 'focusing on his studies' thing as an excuse. I'm such a fool to think that him avoiding me wasn't a sign. He's just too nice to come out and say it without being backed into a corner.
      "Do you still want help with the chemistry assignment?" he asks in a quiet voice, still acting very careful.
      "I don't care about the assignment," I admit. "I don't want your help!" I leap off the couch and go to my room, slamming the door behind me. I hear the click of the front door as Emmett lets himself out before I collapse in tears against my pillow.
      I just made a complete fool of myself! Emmett was a total gentleman about it all. I can't even be mad at him!
      Later, I wake up to the sound of Justin happily whistling on his way to his room. Guess his date went well.

     Life goes on. Somehow. Yeah.
     Dad asks Katherine to marry him. She has two kids. I'm getting a new step-brother and a step-sister. They're both older than me. I think Bob is a goofball-brainless-jock and Jocelyn is a total socialite. I don't think I fit her mold. They both act like they get along with Justin, but my depression makes me unable to stand all the happiness around me. They're happy for their mother. They think Dad is perfect for her.
     When I'm not at school, I'm hiding in my room. I can't stand being around people. I even eat lunch in a secret spot near the ladder to the catwalk in the theatre. It's dark there. I also avoid any social situation so that I don't have to watch my brother being so happy with his new girlfriend.
    Dad had asked me to get the mail before he left for work today, so I decide to get it over with. One of our friends from school, Hugo Bautista, happens to be walking down the sidewalk. He lives one street over, and he used to be one of the boys to annoy me on the playground.

    "Well, well, well. If it ain't Miss Elusive herself. If I hadn't have glimpsed you pretending to be invisible in the hallway, I'd be sure you were cutting school." I don't get the grin on his face. Is he happy I've been miserable?!
     "What do you want, Hugo?" I snap.

    "Can't a guy just hop over and say hi as he walks past your house?" He does a cocky smile that gets on my nerves. He always walks with a swagger that also gets on my nerves. His eyebrows get on my nerves. The way he looks at me gets on my nerves!
     "I'll go get Justin," I say and start to turn around.
     "I've seen Justin at school every day. Why can't I just talk to you?" he asks and takes a step forward.

    As if summoned, Justin walks outside. Hugo looks at him and slumps his shoulders down. Mom shows up. Justin invites her inside since Dad's not home. All of this happens at the same time while I ask, "You want to talk to me?"
     I turn for a sec to see Justin give Hugo a small wave before going inside with Mom. Hugo now smiles brightly at him.

     Hugo playfully rolls his eyes. "Jenny, you've practically disappeared. No one can get you to tell them what's wrong. Is it so hard to believe that I'd want to come and check up on you?"
     "I'm fine," I say, gritting my teeth and wishing he'd get out of my way so I could just get the dern mail and get back to my room.

     Jocelyn takes her turn showing up as Hugo replies, "Don't try to hand me that crap. No you're not."
     My soon-to-be step-sister laughs quietly before heading into the house.
     "Why are you over here, bothering me and pretending to care?" I ask and fold my arms, wishing he'd leave.
      He scowls. "But...I do care." Then he more quickly says, "We all do. We don't like this disappearing act. What kind of friends would we be if we just let you sink into some unexplained depression without trying to help?"
      I start to tell him again that I'm fine, but he stops me. "Don't deny that's exactly what's going on. Why are you so depressed lately, Jenny?"

     I stop my denial. "You wouldn't understand," I say instead.
     "You don't know that. Try me," he says with the most serious look on his face that I've ever seen from him.
      "Try you? As if you could ever understand what it feels like to like somebody only to have them be clueless about it until you all but tell them and they turn you down?!"

     "Yeah, I do, except for the 'telling them' part. I almost did, but then I chickened out." Suddenly, he smiles. "I guess that makes you braver than me, though, right?"
     "Or crazier," I answer quickly. "Wait a minute. Who is it?" I ask, wondering who he likes.
     His smile turns sheepish as he says, "Forget it."
     "Do I know her?"
     "Why do you wanna know?" he asks instead of answering me.
     I shrug. "I dunno. Maybe to get my mind off my own problems."
     "Well, you've got a lot going on around here with your future step-mom and step-brother and sister moving in. Why not just focus on your dad's wedding?" he recommends.

     "That has nothing to do with me," I lightly argue. "Besides, I can't stand being around mushy, happy romantic stuff right now. I don't know how I'm going to handle the wedding itself."
     "Maybe what you need is a good distraction. Something that's not mushy, happy romantic stuff."
     "That's why I disappear to my room. It's all over the place in this house. There is no good distraction."
     "Still, it might help to have someone there to take your mind off it."
     I give him an 'are you for real?' look. "Are you suggesting you be there to distract me?"
     "Well, yeah. Why not? Anytime it starts to get to be too much, you can vent it all out on me. I can take it. What are friends for?" He shrugs.
     I've never really thought of him as my friend, more one of Justin's that I happen to put up with. He obviously doesn't think the same way.
     "Yeah, okay. It couldn't hurt. If nothing else, you can get on my nerves enough to distract me," I tell him honestly but then find myself smiling at his impish grin.
     "Always a pleasure getting on your nerves, Jenny," he says with a teeny, tiny bow. Then he tells me he has to go and waves before walking to wherever it was he was walking to before.
      I get the mail, and once I get inside to put in on the little table, I see Jocelyn grinning at me from ear-to-ear where she sits on the couch.
      "What?" I ask flatly.
      "Who was that?" she asks with that same stupid grin. It occurs to me that she's being exactly the annoying older sister people talk about.
      "A friend of Justin's," I answer, heading towards my room.
      "Of Justin's?" she asks. "Seems to me he was being very friendly with you." Her tone implies there's more than what's actually there.
      "Fine! A friend of mine too then. Geez."
      "Maybe more than friends," she says and continues to sit primly on the couch.
      I turn around and glare at her know-it-all grin. "Shut up! I don't think that way about him."
    "Well, you better believe me when I say that he thinks that way about you," she replies knowingly.
     I groan, roll my eyes, and escape to my room.

    Sure enough, Hugo comes to the wedding. I'm the one that's standing in the black dress. Hugo's sitting on the second row. Justin wears...pink, and Hugo teases him about it. Justin's a little down because his girlfriend can't be here. She's on vacation with her parents.

     I set off a major don't-bug-me vibe that Hugo thankfully gets. So, he spends his time entertaining my new step-mom as well as anyone else within earshot. I hang out inside until Bob starts annoying me, and then I escape to the pool.

     Hungry, I go inside to eat some cake. The caterer can't stop from making them. We're going to be eating cake for weeks.
     "I just realized something," Hugo says when he sits at the table with me. "I haven't annoyed you yet, and I promised I would. What can I do to fix that?"
     "You didn't promise you would. You just said you'd distract me," I say with my mouth full of cake.
     He gets a determined look on his face when he says, "You shouldn't talk with your mouth full."
     "Says you," I retort, take a forkful of cake, and shove it into my mouth. Then I chew for a second before childishly opening my mouth to show him.
     "That's disgusting," he says dully and blinks several times.
     I shrug and keep eating. "Maybe now you'll stop trying to convince me to eat lunch in the cafeteria again."
    "You know, you really should. What if you accidentally choke on that flavored cardboard they serve us? There wouldn't be anyone there to save you if that happened."
    "That won't happen," I say and roll my eyes at his pretend concern. Quieter, I continue, "And he has lunch the same time we do, and I don't wanna see him, and I don't wanna make him uncomfortable by having me around."
     His irritating eyebrows try to meet in the middle of his forehead. "I'm still not asking who it is, but what did he do when you told him?"
     How can people not see that I'm crazy about Emmett? As far as I can tell, I'm so transparent when he's around. That's why I hide. How can Justin not figure it out? As much as I talked about him that morning, you'd think he'd remember, but all he can think about is that girl.
     I answer Hugo's question. "He, very politely, told me he wasn't interested. Very polite. He basically told me he doesn't have time for a girlfriend at this point in his life." I get up to take my plate to the sink.

     "Well, dam-," he says, surprising me. "And here I'd hoped I could go kick his ass for you."
     For some reason, the thought of Hugo kicking Emmett's ass because Emmett was too much a gentleman strikes me as funny, and I start laughing.